Saturday, May 19, 2018

I Was 18 Years Ahead of My Time

Should I be suing the emoji people? I don't think I would have a prayer, but still...

Yer Pal,

Thursday, May 17, 2018

Encounters with Rantwick, episode Twenty Six: Parenting Tips!

In this episode, I encounter a couple of parents that I have no reason to doubt are "good". Parenting and its endless interpretations allow for all kinds of tactics, but I think the ones on display today are awesome. You be the judge:

OK, dumb, I know. But making this video made me think of one of my Mom's super tricks. My two older brothers used to fight. Like play fighting that often went wrong - they were angry little guys. When things went too far and they were going to seriously bloody one another, my Mom would tell them that they could fight as hard as they wanted but she wouldn't have them ruining their clothes. They would have to put on their fight shirts. These were two old sweatshirts reserved for fighting in. Thing is, by the time the little buggers had changed into their fight shirts, much of their anger had dissipated and thus the ensuing fight was generally non-life-threatening. My mother was a super genius.

I bet you've got some parenting gold squirreled away in your memory too. I would love to read about it in the comments.

Wishing You Ninja Speed on bike and off, I remain
Yer Pal,

Friday, May 4, 2018

I Am A Big Crab

Crotchety. Cranky. Crusty. Curmudgeonly. Crabby. So many C words! They all describe how I'll seem after today's video. That's a shame, because I couldn't be happier, really. Riding to work is going super well and I'm beginning to feel the health benefits and general joy-joys associated with cycling again.

That said, certain things just can't help but annoy. Certain sounds. Bike sounds, like a chain that sounds more like a big family of mole rats, or a different sound like the one in the video. Many people wouldn't be bothered by it. I, on the other hand, can't hear it without wincing.

Also, certain common behaviours bug me. Watch the video, let me know if I'm being too harsh, or agree with me, whatever. So long as you have an awesome weekend that hopefully includes your bike!

Yer Pal,

Monday, April 23, 2018

I Am in Terrible Shape & Things Are Awesome

This morning marked my first time on the bike since mid November. In typical fashion I forgot something at home and had to double back, extending my maiden voyage this morning. I am in terrible shape. I didn't push it at all and yet my ass is sore and my muscles hurt in various places. It is truly fantastic. It is fantastic because I know from experience that soon I will be feeling much healthier, with greater endurance and energy. My ass will also adjust once more to the saddle and be capable of riding for great distances with negligible pain. I hate sore bum so much that I started riding year round to avoid it, which will be the plan when next winter comes.

Today's ride marks a full return to the kind of life that has always given me the greatest joy. I couldn't be happier to be sore and worn right out.

Speaking of sore bums, I would like to say one other thing. People often seem to search for saddles that don't hurt. A big squishy saddle is a nice idea if you don't plan to ride much at all but otherwise most are best off with a smaller, firmer saddle and the only cure for butt pain is riding more often. The truth literally hurts, but not for long. I'm betting my bum will feel much better even after just one week of commuting.

That, of course, is only my opinion. Can I get an Amen, cycling brothers and sisters? Or, if you've got some for me, DISSENT? Surely not...

Yer Pal,

Monday, February 12, 2018


As mentioned in the previous post, today I am posting a video that contains clips of me swearing while riding my bike. Good times, man, good times.

Yer Pal,

Saturday, February 10, 2018

Long Time, Blah Blah Blah.

Hello everyone! I'm back, and not in a kind of thready medically fragile kind of way; I've been fixed! The original cause of my stroke has been removed and won't be back. I have no follow-ups with brain doctors, because there is nothing to follow! My brain has been more thoroughly scanned than any on the planet. I have some leftover dizziness that will improve over time and it certainly isn't bad enough to prevent me from cycling. I'm just dying for streets suitable for slicks; I suppose I could mount the studded tires but I would rather play the brain surgery weak boy card for now. Spring please. Still want a fat bike.

As much as I don't want to focus on brain stuff, my experience (or more accurately, my sweet family's) was pretty crazy. I was in surgery for 13.5 hours and knocked out on general anesthetic for about 26 hours. Who The F*ck has a 13 hour surgery? Like, really? Holy Mother F**k Sh*t Ass Cray Cray Koo Koo Nutty Pyjama Pants, like Holy Sh*t man!

Should I post my totally badass brain surgery scar? It's all covered by hair mostly these days. It's totally f*ckin cool tho. Oh, what to do?

I think the natural thing to do is post a video stuffed full of swear words on Monday. Like, lots of bike swears. Yeah. I'm good. You Good? Good. See ya Monday.

Yer Pal,