Showing posts with label WTF Attacks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label WTF Attacks. Show all posts

Friday, September 21, 2018

It Has A Pulse!

This blog I mean. This blog has a pulse. I don't know if I will ever re-engage to the point that I'm posting all the time again, but I sure as hell want to keep it alive.

That said, writing about how awesome the cooler temps are and how joyful riding is Every Autumn gets a little old when you're on your 10th year, no matter how true it remains.

You know what is always welcome (at least according to some readers) though? Talking squirrels in youtube videos! Yeah, baby. Some things just scream cool, no matter how often they're done. Not that you'll get any of that today. Today is just "this blog has a pulse" day. Sit tight, dear reader, "the squirrels are coming, The Squirrels Are Coming"!

Yer Pal,

PS - If you read that last sentence in a "The British Are Coming"! kind of way, you were totally picking up what I was laying down. If not, you are not at fault for being kinda normal.

OH NO. Writing that PS caused a WTF Attack of the first order. I meant to end this post right there, I honestly did, but now thanks to Word-To-Form syndrome I had to make this, and show it to you:

For more on WTF Syndrome and Attacks, just search this blog a little.

Friday, March 25, 2016

WTF Attack - This Time Due to Strange People Sounds

Hi all! My WTF syndrome has been re-launched, this time by some sounds I and a co-worker made when she almost hit me with a door by accident:

Normal people might get a laugh, delete the video and that would be the end of it. But not me. Oh no. I heard a mouse and an owl. Once the notion to use the mouse and owl sound we made somehow struck me, WTF syndrome took over, resulting in the following adorable story!

WTF has produced much weirder and less cute stuff in the past, so I'm OK with this in comparison. Happy Easter, everyone!

Yer Pal,

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Hey! Hey! Over here!

Hello! I've been distracted, lazy, busy, confused and generally unable or unwilling to write anything here for a while. Has everyone been well? I haven't been doing much blog reading either.

I deleted my Facebook account! Couldn't be happier, really. I mean I have this blog thing and Twitter if people want to check in on how I'm doing. There's something about facebook that is just tiresome (at least for me) compared to these other platforms. Perhaps it is the constant reminders of the ways in which I'm letting others down by forgetting birthdays, etc, because I don't go on it enough. Anyway, I'm gone from facebook and it feels good.

I hadn't been using Twitter much at all and thought I would give it a try. I'm kind of digging it. There is such a crazy stream of stuff (if you follow many people) that trying to keep up with everything isn't even an option. Going on twitter feels more like popping into a bar and chatting with or eavesdropping on some people you sort of know.

I've done a couple of things on Twitter that simply must be stored forever here on the blog. They are way too awesome to just get lost in the fast-flowing river of tweetiness.

First, there was a hashtag thing called #ReplaceALetterRuinATvShow that triggered my WTF Syndrome (see sidebar) pretty bad:

And today after work I did an animated gif thing that was kind of cool, I thought. It has since morphed into a video:

That pretty well sums up where I've been lately!
Yer Pal,

Friday, July 25, 2014

If Snakes Got Tattoos

I have suffered a WTF (Word To Form) Syndrome double-whammy! If you don't know what I'm talking about, click here

Anyway, long time reader of Rantwick and awesome thoughtful blogger Cafiend, aka Citizen Rider, wrote something that struck my WTF bone pretty hard. Go here for full context, but in short he has suffered some sort of bite or sting that is requiring loads of antibiotics and stuff. In reference to said bite, likely that of a spider or insect, he wrote, "This would be a lot easier to take from a nice macho rattlesnake". Of course I knew exactly how he meant it. But WTF caused me to wonder what a "macho rattlesnake" would look like. Damn.

WTF syndrome is not to be trifled with, so I got to work right away when I got home from work. So: What does a macho rattlesnake look like?

Tom Selleck's Moustache (literally), Steak House kinda guy, tattoo. Done.

When I was working on the stupidness above, I drifted into a second wave of stupid: If snakes got tattoos, what would they get? I figured a deadly human preparing to strike, y'know? So, if you're a snake, what does that look like?

Angry dude with a shovel. I was channeling a snake spirit I think. I ended up spending more time on macho snake's tattoo than macho snake himself. And so, another episode of WTF has occurred and been dealt with. I won't bother with the usual apologies and stuff; it changes nothing. Let us all just move on. 

Yer Pal,

Tuesday, April 8, 2014


borg image source -- background image source -- plate of food image source

Yep. Somebody in my house, I forget who, accidentally said "smorgasborg" the other day. Might have been me. Anyway, Word To Form (WTF) syndrome kicked in hard. And here we are.
Are you disappointed that there is nothing about cycling in this post? I would hate for that to happen... I don't want to be a poor host, given that you've come all this way...
image source - a review of tire pictured above - that be cycling content right there, uh huh!

Yer Pal,

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

I Can't Leave WTF Alone

When I showed Mrs. Rantwick my Screen Savior video from last week, she asked, "so it's not a real screensaver"? She should have known what would happen. Perhaps she did know... anyway:
Please note: While I am a reasonably spiritual person, I have not been born again or anything like that, in case you were wondering. I have a great deal of trouble seeing my religion as being more or less "true" a faith than any other, yet many seem to demand this. The appearance of Jesus on this blog has everything to do with a WTF moment and pretty much nothing to do with me expressing my religious beliefs, which is something I have no interest in doing online, by the way.
Back to bikes and stuff next time, I promise.

Yer Pal,

Friday, April 5, 2013

When WTF Gets Jesus

Word To Form syndrome is a strange ride to have to take, let me tell you. Check the sidebar for "WTF Attacks" if you don't believe me. The latest mental image that wouldn't let me go involves two new angles for me though; Jesus Christ and video!

The other day Rantwick Jr. accidentally said "screen saviour" instead of "screen saver". A simple slip of the tongue. No big deal. Unless you're me and suffer from WTF. The mental image of a "screen saviour" stayed with me, taking shape in my brain and refusing to leave. So here it is, for better or worse:

This thing is way better viewed full-screen, you know, 'cause it is a "screen saver".

Bet You Didn't See That Coming! I Sure Didn't!

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

RANTWiiCK, or CustoMiization

About a week ago I got home after work and a tiring but fun bike commute. I plopped down on the couch for a second while still in my cycling gear. For some reason I had stretched my legs out straight and was waving them around; I think I may have been imitating a crying baby while talking to the kids about something. Anyway, as I did that I noticed my too-round belly and black stretchy pants and said, "holy cow, I look like a Mii"! My kids agreed.

I had Mrs. Rantwick take a picture of me immediately of course, because documenting such important discoveries is just the right thing to do.

As you can see, I wasn't entirely crazy. Here is that photo compared to the Mii I use at home:

I kept this photo fairly small, because I really don't like how I look in it. Man, I have got some weight to lose. I'm working on it. You know what would totally suck about being a Mii? Sphere hands. I mean, I don't mind having a spherical head, but sphere hands would be terribly frustrating:

I don't mind using a bigger picture now that I'm wearing my more handsome face. Maybe I should post unflattering pictures of myself more often... I'm finding looking at the gut in that picture very motivating... but I wouldn't do that to you. I'll just refer back to these when I need a little push.

You know, once you have carefully cut out a photo of yourself, pasted on your blogging alter-ego head and given yourself pink sphere hands, it is hard to just walk away without using that image a little more, don't you find? I sure do. So here, I did this just for you!

Aren't you glad I'm back?
Yer Pal,

Friday, September 14, 2012


I feel like there wasn't nearly enough fanfare about TARATS (the Third Annual Rantwick Autumn Tree Smackdown) in my initial post. I mean, this isn't about a bunch of tree huggers taking pictures and being all nice, you know. This is a SMACKDOWN. With Autumn trees. And the people are usually kind of nice and some may actually hug trees on a regular basis. But make no mistake, people, it IS a SMACKDOWN.

I have decided that the prize will be something else entirely this year. The winning tree will be crowned 2012's King (or Queen, if you want) of Autumn, a title formerly reserved for my perennial favourite (pun intended) alone! A used Trophy from some thrift shop, hand-modified by yours truly, will be sent to the lucky soul who captures for posterity the image of the most majestic juggernaut of Autumn leafy joy witnessed this year! It's gonna be AWESOME! Click HERE for rules and stuff.

Since this is a SMACKDOWN, I strongly encourage all entrants to talk as much over-the-top trash as possible (all in good fun, of course) and demoralize their opponents if they can. Let me get things started:

I stopped by to visit the King of Autumn this morning and let me tell you, he looked good. Green, but obviously gearing up for this year's competition:

Can you see that? He's flexing his foliage! What? What? You don't see it? Look again, and be very afraid of my tree, baby. He's gonna chew you all up and keep the title of King of Autumn all for his majestic unbeatable self:

That, for those of you that don't recognize it, is proper SMACKDOWN talk. I hope it puts you in the mood to bring some badass fall foliage action this way...

Share this image with yer friends and let's get ready to leaf it up, hard!

PS - I know I am ridiculous. It's fun. I also think that "poster" qualifies as a WTF attack... cool.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Unfortunate Word Choices

I don't usually buy newspapers, but I do read the articles online sometimes. On Monday I noticed this intriguing headline displayed in the London Free Press newspaper box:

Of course, several scenarios sprang to mind and these scenarios led to multiple WTF attacks. My struggle with Word To Form syndrome is well documented in these pages. You can learn more by visiting the link in the sidebar.

So, what kind of crack drives away protesters? Perhaps a great fearful fissure in the earth's crust!

pic sources here and here

Or Maybe it was Crack cocaine...

crack pic source here

Were they actually under threat of giant, looming Butt Crack?

butt pic source here

If you found that last one distasteful, well, sorry. If it is any comfort I chose a dainty lady butt instead of one of the multitude of way ugly big fat man butts that were more readily available.

Of course, the article wasn't referring to any of these types of crack, but rather possible divisions within the protest group. That doesn't make for much of a visual. Dear Headline authors: Please have mercy on this poor WTF syndrome sufferer. Please.

Yer Pal,

Friday, September 30, 2011

Lack of London Ontario MEC News Creates WTF Moment

I swung by the retail units that will be occupied by Mountain Equipment Co-op last week to see how things were coming along. There wasn't much to see, really. No signage, no fixtures, just some empty cement-floored retail space.

Being a very nosy individual, I stuck my nose up to the glass and saw that the wall between the two units had been removed, so I guess that's good. Disappointed that there wasn't much to see, I turned my attention to the building permit posted on the glass. Upon doing so, a word I had never seen before caught my attention. Apparently the wall that had been removed was a "demising" wall:

I don't know about you, but a demising wall sounded like bad news to me. Of course, "demising wall" has a nice innocuous, almost boring meaning:

A wall used jointly by two parties under easement agreement, erected upon a line dividing two parcels of land, each of which is a separate real estate entity; a common wall.

The tenants of 4A and 4B put up a demising wall to divide their previously contiguous apartment.

source: urban dictionary

Unfortunately, the seeds of a WTF attack had been sown the instant I read that page. I mean, what would a demise-ing wall look like? Could people really live with one?

Rantwick visits Mom and Dad in their new condo.

No wonder detached dwellings cost more.

Friday, July 29, 2011

The Worst Song Lyric Ever Written spurs Bon Jovi WTF Episode

The worst song lyrics I have ever heard belong to the song "Bed of Roses" by Bon Jovi.

Sitting here wasted and wounded with this old piano
Trying hard to capture the moment, this morning I don't know
'Cause a bottle of vodka still lies in my head and some blonde
Gave me nightmares, I think that she's still in my bed
As I think about movies they won't make of me when I'm dead

With an iron-clad fist I wake up to french-kiss the morning
While a marching band keeps it's own beat in my head while we're talking
About all of the things I longed to believe, about love, the truth,
What you mean to me and the truth is...
Baby you're all that I need

I wanna lay you down in a bed of roses
Tonight I sleep on a bed of nails
I wanna be just as close as the Holy Ghost is
Lay you down, on a bed of roses

Now, Bon Jovi was huge in his day and is still successfully touring. He has made buckets of money and appears to have dodged many of the pitfalls facing all rock stars. In many ways I admire him. My admiration, however, is weakened somewhat by the ugly WTF syndrome episode Mr. Jovi brought on. "With an iron-clad fist I wake up to french kiss the morning"? What? I mean, What?

Sorry about that. Blame WTF and Bon Jovi for it. My syndrome, his idea.

PS - That "I wanna be just as close as the Holy Ghost is" line is a pretty desperate rhyme too, but at least it didn't WTF me up.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

BikeSnobNYC Causes WTF

I thought my word to form syndrome (WTF) was in check, but it would seem it is not. This time I blame BikeSnobNYC, because he is running a contest that spawned this:

This is the intergalactic symbol for bike love used on the planet Tridork. That doesn't make any sense unless you follow bike snob, but even then I have no excuse other than WTF to explain this special creation. I am spent from hours of WTFing around, so I am going to rest now.

I Want those Action Wipes.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Curse You, Bike Snob NYC

Bike Snob NYC is a very popular blogger with lots of cyclists. I am one of the Snob's many fans. I am also a Canadian. As such, when the Snob started referring to the USA as Canada's "this" and Canada's "that" late in September, I really liked it. I encouraged him to keep it up in the comments. I don't know if he read my comments, but he did indeed keep doing it for a while. Then, perhaps sensing that this particular gag might be getting a little tired, he stopped. I don't blame him, since a joke overworked is funny no more. Yesterday, however, he was back at it, with two in one post!
I think what makes them so satisfying to me is that 1) they are silly and 2) they speak of the USA in relationship to Canada rather than the other way around. That is a rare thing that you might have to be a Canuck (or a Mexican) to really appreciate.
I started this post with the simple intention of mentioning some of these references just for the hell of it, but as I found them and saved the links, WTF syndrome reared its head once more. Curse you, BSNYC! For those of you who have not been briefed on WTF syndrome, here is an excerpt from one of my previous posts:
So, what is WTF syndrome? It is characterized by thinking or saying something odd, followed by the thought, "I wonder what that would look like?" The next phase of the disease involves compulsively answering that question by manipulating existing images to provide an actual visual of some sort. The final stage of the syndrome requires the afflicted person to publish the aforementioned result online or at least show it to some friends or coworkers. Since I want to keep both my friends and my job, I have restricted myself to posting the results of my WTF online only.
WTF did not strike with all of the Snob's metaphors, so only some have ended up in this post. Remember, it's an illness. I suffer right along with you.
"Canada's food-besmirched bib" - bsnyc post: Nov 2, 2010
"Canada's flabby jowl" - bsnyc post: Nov 2, 2010

"Canada's Rooster Wattle" - bsnyc post: Oct 11, 2010

"Canada's Undercarriage" - bsnyc post: Oct 4, 2010

There was a WTF Syndrome moment with this, but I stomped out those thoughts in the interest of North/South diplomatic relations. It took a few beers and some deep cleansing breaths, but I did it. I mean, who would want to see that? I ain't no sick freak.

"Canada's smarmy chest hair thatch" - bsnyc post: Sep 29, 2010

Funny, this one didn't look so creepy and messed up when it existed solely in my mind. I guess I wasn't counting on finding chest hair that was this smarmy. I didn't know who Robbie Williams was when I found that pic... turns out he's some sort of singer/actor who is big in the UK. Nobody does smarmy like the British. Anyway, the "Canada head" I put on him is very attractive (confirmed by the longing gaze of dude in background), but it also reminds me of the Cryptkeeper.

Overall I find my last pic quite upsetting. Ah well. WTF doesn't always yield predictable results. I am learning to live with it and accept that it will often produce images I really dislike. Thanks for staying with me through all this; it really helps.
Yer Pal,


Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Panniers are Backpack Killers

If my experience is at all representative*, backpack makers must despise rack and pannier makers. I have commuted with panniers for the last couple of years. Recently I had the pleasure of taking my Trek 520 (build update coming soon) to work and back a few times as I tested it out and tweaked some things. The bike has no racks yet and thus can't carry panniers, or as some call them, saddlebags. So, I went back to how I used to do it and strapped on my trusty old backpack.

I didn't like it at all. Here's why:

1) Sweaty Back - Going by all the crap I read, this is perhaps the most popular reason for disliking backpacks and is quite self-explanatory.

2) Shifting Load - I suppose if I had the straps better adjusted, this wouldn't have been a problem, but the backpack also would have bound my jacket even more tightly to my body, exacerbating problem number 1. My backpack shifted around when I was making turns and stuff and I had to compensate by changing my body position a little. I didn't like that.

3) Higher Centre of Gravity - Riding with panniers, I have become accustomed to a very stable bicycle (particularly in the rear) with a nice low centre of gravity. Carrying more weight up high felt pretty weird and less safe, although I suspect I could adjust to this pretty easily if I had to. After all, Mutant Winter's load rides pretty high too (although not as high as a backpack).

4) The Principle of the Thing - Before I used panniers, I wouldn't have had the following thought, but here it is. Given a choice, why would one strap a load to oneself rather than letting the machine carry it? It is kind of like inventing the first wagon and continuing to carry the basket of wheat on your head, or going to the grocery store in your car and carrying the food home on your lap. Machines are supposed to help us out with this kind of thing.

I suspect that people who get a rack and some panniers may never go back to the backpack unless, like me, they have no choice. This is also the reason that if I were a backpack maker, I would hate rack and pannier makers. Thankfully for them there are still lots of people who don't ride bikes often enough to invest in racks and panniers and who will stick to the backpack they use while on foot. Keep the up-tick in utility cyclists going, though, and there could be a rack/pannier vs. backpack showdown, or even shootout! That would be so cool! Oh Crap. I have just been struck by WTF syndrome again:

Ah well. It is what it is.

* In the course of writing posts for this blog, I have come to realize that my experience and reactions and opinions may not be representative of normal people in any way, shape or form. Let me know if I am preaching to the choir or way off base in the comments!

Hey, Take A Load Off.

PS - Please note that I did not mention messenger bags. I have never owned one, so I can't reasonably comment on them. Perhaps you could, though.

Monday, September 20, 2010

The Rantwick Family's Komoka Hiking Adventure

A couple of weekends ago the Rantwick family went for a little hike in Komoka Provincial Park. My brother asked me to take some pictures, so I did. He enjoyed them quite a lot, so I thought I would frame them with a little writing and show them to you as well.

Komoka Provincial Park isn't like lots of other Provincial Parks... it is really just a nice wild area with meadows and trails and trees and no facilities other than a couple of parking lots at the entrances located just outside of London Ontario. It would seem that this unstaffed area was being misused with no consequences by some people, so the man put up a sign to indicate that the party was NOW over:

That should snuff out any monkey business; damn kids. Anyway, because my brother had requested some, we stopped and took family photos. First, kids with Mrs. Rantwick:

Then, with Dad:

Having gotten those pics done, we headed down the path. Almost right away I saw a bush with red berries:
pic source

I'm not very knowledgeable about plants or bushes or trees, so I immediately gathered a big handful of the bright red berries and ate them. They tasted awful and made my stomach hurt. I figured the best thing to do was follow them with some mushrooms that looked like they might help:

Well, let me tell you, I forgot about my stomach ache almost right away. Remember how I saw Mother Nature in the city a little while ago? She appeared before me right there in Komoka Provincial Park!

She didn't say anything. She just kind of hovered there for a few seconds and then faded away. It was wild. I immediately felt very much at one with nature; the birds, the grass, the flowers...

The hike had been going great until that point, as you can see. But then things started feeling weird. I started to become afraid of meeting wild animals. I was particularly terrified of meeting a "grumbear". A grumbear is a fictional bear who is angry and crazy and who was invented by my son in construction paper and wool form three or four years ago:

I keep the grumbear in my office at work and use him to scare away co-workers who are annoying me. Anyway, I had become afraid of meeting a real grumbear. Sure enough, one showed up on the trail right next to my kids!

As you can see, since my son was the grumbear's "father", he was not afraid and just gave him a friendly wave. The grumbear, like Mother Nature, vanished with no harm done. I was beginning to think that maybe this hike wasn't so fun as we walked down to the river's edge:

It was at that point that I lost consciousness. When I woke up several hours later, Mrs. Rantwick said I had been acting crazy on our walk, like I was possessed or something. I did a little research, and sure enough, those red berries are bad news!

pic source
I bet those cursed berries could have poisoned me or doomed me to some sort of supernatural torture! Thank goodness I found those mushrooms! Anyway, my family had a very nice time out in Komoka, I think. I can't really remember. There's a lesson to be learned from all this, but I just can't put my finger on it. In any case, I'm bringing bear and shark repellant on our next little walk in the bush just to be on the safe side.

May all your Hiking Trips be good ones,
Yer Pal,