Friday, July 29, 2011

The Worst Song Lyric Ever Written spurs Bon Jovi WTF Episode

The worst song lyrics I have ever heard belong to the song "Bed of Roses" by Bon Jovi.

Sitting here wasted and wounded with this old piano
Trying hard to capture the moment, this morning I don't know
'Cause a bottle of vodka still lies in my head and some blonde
Gave me nightmares, I think that she's still in my bed
As I think about movies they won't make of me when I'm dead

With an iron-clad fist I wake up to french-kiss the morning
While a marching band keeps it's own beat in my head while we're talking
About all of the things I longed to believe, about love, the truth,
What you mean to me and the truth is...
Baby you're all that I need

I wanna lay you down in a bed of roses
Tonight I sleep on a bed of nails
I wanna be just as close as the Holy Ghost is
Lay you down, on a bed of roses

Now, Bon Jovi was huge in his day and is still successfully touring. He has made buckets of money and appears to have dodged many of the pitfalls facing all rock stars. In many ways I admire him. My admiration, however, is weakened somewhat by the ugly WTF syndrome episode Mr. Jovi brought on. "With an iron-clad fist I wake up to french kiss the morning"? What? I mean, What?

Sorry about that. Blame WTF and Bon Jovi for it. My syndrome, his idea.

PS - That "I wanna be just as close as the Holy Ghost is" line is a pretty desperate rhyme too, but at least it didn't WTF me up.


limom said...

Agreed, that was pretty bad.
Thanks for providing that image.
Sort of a cross between Rob Halford and Gene Simmons.
Or something.

Rat Trap Press said...

Terrible lyrics, although my vote for all-time worst lyrics would have to go to the Black Eyed Peas for their wonderful song "My Humps". Several years ago I was riding as a passenger in a car travelling from Ft. Worth to El Paso with someone who played that CD over and over and over. Horrible lyrics!

RANTWICK said...

This post is bound to collect many dazzling crummy lyric examples. Please don't post the text of them; I fear more stupid WTF may ensue.

limom - thanks for providing that image? Are you mad? Oh. Nevermind.

Apertome said...

WTF indeed? The image really sealed it. Wow, that's really freaking weird.

Oldfool said...

Who is bon jovi?

Big Oak said...

All these years listening to that song, I've never paid attention to those lyrics. You've ruined that song for me, man.

Neal Young would never do that.

RANTWICK said...

Big Oak - I'm sorry. I really am. I agree, Mr. Young wouldn't do that.

Kokorozashi said...

Ranty, ol' boy, you have outdone yourself this time. The image, while terrifying, was also amazing. Perhaps it was awful in the old sense of the word -- both awe-inspiring and fearsome.

For the record, that's pretty much the picture that appears in my head when that line reels off (dare I admit that I actually like the song in question? -- I think it boils down to the musical structure; they could've set a song about eating snack cakes* to that tune and I think it would still be just as compelling), except my brain insists upon setting it on a balcony in Paris with the Eiffel Tower in the background.

*(Like, "I wanna laaaaaay you down in a bed of Twinkies/but tonight I choke on a Zebra Caaaaaaaaake!" or something like that)

RANTWICK said...

Koko - I think a twinkie bed might be quite bouncy and supportive.

LoCoDe said...

A cross between Rob Halford and Gene Simmons would be Santorum.

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