I'm Out There, Man

Hey there, just a quick note to 1) show this blog still has a pulse and 2) push that damn Ham Head off the top of the screen. I have been recovering from my vacation this week. Sounds odd, I know, but I think most people understand what I mean. I have several things on the back burner that I will write about eventually, but right now I have little inclination and even less time.

That said, sometimes things just happen. Turns out I have been a spiritual traveller lately, speaking through inanimate (although cute) objects in Texas:

Please don't ask how or why such a thing would happen, because I don't know, but Steve A's "Kermit" has been channelling me or I have been possessing it as he has begun to honk when subjected to less than smooth pavement.

I guess I love smooth pavement so much that it has become a mystical force the power of which I obviously cannot properly comprehend. Also I am into honking. Upon reading of this development, I suffered an attack of WTF, wondering what Kermit possessed by Rantwick would look like:

Yikes! Combine this picture with that Ham Head and one might think this blog is becoming quite macabre in style and content... I promise to get back to non-scary nonsense in the future. In the meantime, I remain:

Yer Pal,

R A N T W I C K

WTF Syndrome - It's Getting Hot

As many of you know, I suffer from Word To Form (WTF) syndrome. Just search WTF on this blog for examples and explanations. Anyway, I was over at Rat Trap Press and was struck with a peculiar case of it, a case in which I thought I saw a bicycle seducing two other bicycles.

Perhaps it was the post's title "It's Getting Hot" that made me think such things, I don't know. If I knew, I wouldn't suffer from my special malady or produce things like this:

I would like to apologize to RTP in advance for putting such a sordid spin on an otherwise lovely and normal blog post. Sadly, I can no more deny my WTF than I can control my customizer. Forgive me, him, and all those who are ruled by decidedly unruly impulses, for though we know what we do, we can not seem to stop doing it.

I've got to go give Mrs. Rantwick some goonie eyes of love now. She's more real than steel, man, and that's the truth.

R A N T W I C K

Living With WTF Syndrome

For those of you who don't already know, I suffer from Word To Form (WTF) syndrome. Some helpful commenters helped me to identify my peculiar malady before I even knew it had a name, when I apologetically published the results of my first episode of WTF:

click image to enlarge

Those nice people helped me to understand that I wasn't alone, and that knowledge allowed me to reconcile myself with my disease. So, what is WTF syndrome? It is characterized by thinking or saying something odd, followed by the thought, "I wonder what that would look like?" The next phase of the disease involves compulsively answering that question by manipulating existing images to provide an actual visual of some sort. The final stage of the syndrome requires the afflicted person to publish the aforementioned result online or at least show it to some friends or coworkers. Since I want to keep both my friends and my job, I have restricted myself to posting the results of my WTF online only.

WTF is a funny thing. I can go for months without an episode. When it strikes, I am caught completely by surprise, like with the bizarre and moronic PSA about cement trucks:

click image to enlarge

WTF can also be sneaky. I didn't even recognize it the time it caused me to create a freakish movie poster:

click image to enlarge

Anyway, as you may have guessed, I have been stricken by WTF again. On a recent post of mine, frequent visitor and commenter Steve A, owner of the blog dfw point-to-point, thought that one of my videos would have been even better had it featured dwarfs and squirrels. I think he was referring to what has become my personal White Whale, the racing dwarf I met once, and a video in which I spoke of squirrels' love of bikes as opposed to cars. He also teased me a little about the relatively warm weather in Texas. His taunting prompted me to threaten him with a squirrel and dwarf attack squad, and WHAM! WTF syndrome hit me hard. What would a squirrel and dwarf attack squad look like?

click image to enlarge

original image links here and here and here and here and here and here.

Sadly, I know just how this looks. Pity me. I must publish it, even when I fear it might cause people to think me mad, stupid or weird. WTF requires it!

Well, thanks for letting me get that out. I do appreciate those who travel with me as I continue to live and learn from my syndrome, sharing in my journey of pain and healing and lunacy and joy and hunger and laziness and stupidness and sleepiness. Before I go, I need to show you two pictures that showed up when I did a google image search for "dwarf warrior":

source

source

Good God! WTF syndrome? Hah! I am way boring, almost even normal.

Have a Great Weekend,

R A N T W I C K

RANTWICK: THE LOST PICTURES vol. 2

Well, as usual I want to offer something up on a Friday, and as usual I'm short on ideas. Thankfully, I've got a few pictures lying around that I hope you will enjoy.

First, some unused dinosaur-head pics:

Now, something a little more sad yet artistic found on treehugger.com ...

And when you just don't have much to offer, nothing beats kooky dog photos...

Except of course the truly bizarre:

wayodd.com

source:

Go Canadian Frog, Go! Even with the excitement of competitive sport, funny hairdos, b&w photos and dog pics, I felt that something was missing from this post. At first I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but eventually I identified it as a spontaneous case of WTF (word to form) syndrome, except there weren't words this time, just dogs that almost looked like they were flying. I simply had to see it happen, so I got to work and created the following breathtaking work of canine animated art:

Wishing you all blue skies this weekend,

R A N T W I C K

Carnivore Light - I Need a Vacation

We're going camping for a few days starting this coming weekend, and I'm really looking forward to it. I know I've been mentioning Canadian Tire an awful lot lately... and now it would seem I'm gonna do it some more. I was looking for power inverters and crank radios and stuff for our trip on the Canadian Tire web site, and stumbled across something unexpected; a carnivore light! Before I could read up on this intriguing item, I saw that it was a flashlight:

I didn't understand. Was the flashlight a carnivore? In that case I really didn't want one. Was the flashlight for carnivores? What kind of carnivores use flashlights?

Owls?

The grandaddy of them all, the mighty T-Rex?

Perhaps Venus Flytrap?

And what carnivore other than Venus Flytrap would have $80 for a flashlight anyway?

Well, I gave my head a shake and stopped thinking such crazy thoughts and read about the flashlight. Turns out it is a "blood tracking" flashlight that can help illuminate blood traces, helping hunters to find game that has been wounded. I went deer hunting once with a friend and his Dad as a teenager, and found that I couldn't pull the trigger. Still, I have no problem with responsible hunters. Some of you may find that kind of gross, but to my mind wounded game is better off found than left to suffer off in the bush somewhere. Still, "carnivore?" Gerber, the maker of the light, also sell an "omnivore" model that doesn't have the blood tracking lights. Going with that logic, I think they should introduce the "herbivore" or "vegan" or maybe the "Veggie Lite", a flashlight for wildlife photographers.

Some of you may be thinking, "what the hell is Rantwick writing about this stupid flashlight for? This has nothing to do with cycling!" There are two points I would like to make in this regard. Firstly, the beauty of writing a blog, whether it appears to have a theme or not, is that I can write about whatever I please. The blog isn't called "cycling stuff", it's called RANTWICK, which means I can be as selfish and random with my subject matter as I wish. I really like that, and my hope is that other people enjoy a change of pace now and then too. Second of all, hunting and cycling sometimes do go together.

image source: pasty.com

And I thought I was a utility cyclist! With carnivores like this around, deer will try anything to get away...

Like I said, I'm going camping and we're leaving Friday morning. That means that there's a ton to do over the next few days that doesn't include blogging. Going by this post, perhaps a little blog break will be a good thing! Anyway, I'm gonna vanish from this space for about a week.

I'll be back next Wednesday to announce the winner of the Captcha contest! Until then, ride your bikes all over the place. Yer Pal,

R A N T W I C K

Note: in case you were considering the carnivore for your blood tracking needs, you should know that it is powered by 4 AA batteries, so it isn't nearly as big as it looks in some of my photoshopped pictures.

WTF Strikes Again.

I was reading a spirited blog comment discussion about how Orlando might proceed in improving a street I've never seen and will likely never ride the other day. I don't know why I do that. It would seem that I have been sucked into the vortex of commuter cyclist discussion online, and in some cases where you live just doesn't matter. Many of the questions are kind of universal, since most of North America's cities share similar design characteristics in one neighbourhood or another. Still, Orlando is an awful long way from here...

Anyway, I was reading those comments when a frequent visitor and commenter on this blog, Chipseal, said this in one of his entries regarding cement trucks: "whatever helps keep casual people on bikes from getting gummed up in the wheels can’t be too negative".

I laughed about it in the comments, suggesting it could be turned into a Public Service Announcement (PSA). That's when WHAM! I was struck once again with WTF, or Word-To-Form syndrome. When this happened last time, I likened it to an earworm, which is when a song gets stuck in your head and won't get out, except this is a mental image that won't go away. Comments on the post featuring my first bout of WTF, Captain Jack Sharrow, were very educational, and put a name to the strange thing I was experiencing. It was such a comfort to know that I was not alone in my affliction.

Anyway, a PSA poster-style image sprang to mind, and I know already that it is something that will not let me be until I let it out. It is well known that the only known cure/relief for WTF is actually creating the image and, ideally, posting it on the Internet. As with that stupid sharrow thing, I'm asking your forgiveness for what follows.

I am becoming more realistic about my struggle with WTF. It may happen again. If you are the kind of person who might follow this blog, please know that WTF may occur. I don't welcome it, but I must accept and deal with it.

As always, thank you for joining me on my journey. Yer Pal,

R A N T W I C K

I Am Very Very Sorry. Please Don't Hate Me.

Ever since I first heard of "sharrows", I've had this stupid image knocking around in my head, like an earworm. I guess this is an "image worm", or perhaps a "mind's eyeworm". Anyway, it's been bothering me for some time, and I need to get it out, and I think posting it here might be the only way. I am very very sorry. Please don't hate me.

I Hope to God Something Like This Never Happens Again,

R A N T W I C K