Thursday, October 10, 2013

R A N T W E R K

Yes, you read that title right, and yes I am nothing if not a follower of popular trends. Twerking might have "jumped the shark" by now, but that is just when a guy like me gets right into something. Just as when fat white middle aged suburban Dads (or fabric ladies) start rapping and everybody loves it, so too is my twerking AWESOME. I think I messed up the the structure or correct usage of the simile (or is it metaphor, or analogy? I should know that!) but that's OK, because when you can bike twerk, you don't need no English grammar 'cause your hot shakin' action says it all! Check me out:

 
 
 
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention my thing is "bicycle shadow twerking"; I mean, how gross do you think I am? I'm a 44 year old 5'10" 200+ lb man, for God's sake! Eewww! Call me a prude, but I find it kind of distasteful even when attractive people do it. Man oh man, am I gettin' old. 
 
On the slim chance that anyone thinks those shadows are of my body, please rest easy in the fact that the shadows are actually of my jacket; I had a set of keys in the back pocket that were largely responsible for my awesome shadowy motion. I'm not entirely pleased with my bod, but thank god none of it really woogles like that!

Aren't you glad you showed up here today? Well if you're not, at least I am. Thanks as always for reading!
 
 
 
Yer Pal,
 
R A N T W E R K

PS - I'm running low on bizarre Amazon searches, so help me out if you can.

8 comments:

John said...

Looks more like a "fanny-pack" than "keys in a pocket" to me.... lol =) Not sure how that would work as an amazon search term but the google image search is interesting. =)

anniebikes said...

Even if you're a good sized man you've got the moves -- as in you CAN MOVE on down the road pretty danged fast! Gosh, you put this 50-something lady to shame.

RANTWICK said...

John - don't get me started on fanny packs... search my blog for fanny pack and you'll find an infamous post from long ago.

Annie - I was rolling down a big hill; the best time to be a "good sized man"!

John said...

I take it back... Brilliant!!!! usage of a double negative to create a positive. the negativity of the fanny pack, denies the negativism of the eye of morder- referenced below. Thereby creating the Rantwerk. Awesome. I stand corrected and enlightened. =)

http://www.bikehacks.com/bikehacks/2012/09/the-eye-of-mordor.html

RANTWICK said...

John - You kind of lost me there, but the eye of mordor thing was pretty funny. I wasn't wearing the fanny pack in this vid...

babble on said...

LOL!! THAT's funny. :)

bicyclesinnewcastle.com said...

From here in Australia, I can't see the video! Oh noes!
Vicki

bicyclesinnewcastle.com said...

After I commented the video appeared, magic!

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