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Saturday, March 17, 2012

The Great Satan

I have a devil living in my driveway. It is a beat up 2006 Hyundai Elantra.

This thing is sucking away my soul, bit by bit. Melodramatic, I know, but ever since the Rantwick clan once again had two cars, I've been riding less and less. When Lucifer makes an appearance in one's life, one must respond swiftly and without mercy. This car has got to go. Despite my best laid plans, this thing is keeping me from riding as much as I used to. The dark one is clever, disguising himself in the trappings of goodness...

The promise of bike hauling is just a ruse aimed at making me think this instrument of evil could be made to serve a higher purpose. I shall exorcise the evil and free the pure spirit of the bike rack, saving it to strap on our main family vehicle. I shall cast the rest out, out, out to the automotive part-mongers. Yes. All shall be well again soon. Stay tuned. 

Feeling Lighter Already, I Remain,

PS - Did you notice? In heaven, or at least among angels, the bicycle drivetrain is sometimes on the LEFT side! Also, angels ride the top tube with reckless abandon, pain free. Crazy, man. God, I mean. Crazy, God!

PPS - I realize that this post may have offended more religious types. To all of you Satanist RANTWICK readers, please know that I was just having a little fun and meant no disrespect to you or your Dark Lord.


Steve A said...

What's that sound? I think it may be. Yes - the footsteps of Mormon missionaries with one more reason to visit Rantwick!

Carolyn said...


I'm glad I don't have a vehicle to tempt me....though I find it's OTHER people's offers of rides in THEIR vehicles that often tempts me to go to the dark side. Got to resist, got to resist....

John Romeo Alpha said...

That thing is a freaking soul anchor. Cast it off. My heart used to stop mid-beat with angst when I looked at the window and saw mine parked out there, lurking, until I unburdened myself of it. We still have one left, for now. Sell it, go buy bike stuff with the money, and be free.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I keep mine around for when its raining.

RANTWICK said...

I thought this may resonate with some of you! RCT - We still have a car if I need one now and then, although riding in inclement weather remains one of my favourite things.

Chandra said...

I need to kick some car butt too, Rantwick. Soon, I hope!

Paz :)

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