R A N T W E R K

Yes, you read that title right, and yes I am nothing if not a follower of popular trends. Twerking might have "jumped the shark" by now, but that is just when a guy like me gets right into something. Just as when fat white middle aged suburban Dads (or fabric ladies) start rapping and everybody loves it, so too is my twerking AWESOME. I think I messed up the the structure or correct usage of the simile (or is it metaphor, or analogy? I should know that!) but that's OK, because when you can bike twerk, you don't need no English grammar 'cause your hot shakin' action says it all! Check me out:

 

 

 

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention my thing is "bicycle shadow twerking"; I mean, how gross do you think I am? I'm a 44 year old 5'10" 200+ lb man, for God's sake! Eewww! Call me a prude, but I find it kind of distasteful even when attractive people do it. Man oh man, am I gettin' old. 

 

On the slim chance that anyone thinks those shadows are of my body, please rest easy in the fact that the shadows are actually of my jacket; I had a set of keys in the back pocket that were largely responsible for my awesome shadowy motion. I'm not entirely pleased with my bod, but thank god none of it really woogles like that!

Aren't you glad you showed up here today? Well if you're not, at least I am. Thanks as always for reading!

 

 

 

Yer Pal,

 

R A N T W E R K

PS - I'm running low on bizarre Amazon searches, so help me out if you can.

The Slanting Rays of Autumn

Most regular cyclists I know wear sunglasses to both cut the glare and keep their eyeballs from drying out. I couldn't find mine this morning, so I wore the clear safety glasses I usually save for the dark of winter.

It was a good reminder of how completely blinded anyone without shades could be, sun visor or not.

 

It changed the way I rode a little; at one point I pulled over and waited for overtaking cars to clear before getting out there to take a left. Stuff like that. Lovin' the Fall weather though; made a bee line for the path, where shade prevails much of the time. It was great. I hope your Autumn rides are proving just as nice!

 

 

Yer Pal,

R A N T W I C K

No Leafy Goodness For You!

That was the email message I got from Recumbent Conspiracy Theorist, a past participant in the Autumn Tree Smackdown who knew that I wasn't running it this year. Fittingly, he sent me this perfect tree picture, the only kind I should expect to get this Fall:

 

Where, you may wonder, will all the leafy goodness go this year? Well, that's easy: the leafy goodness is hangin' out over at anniebikes! You got some goodness? Send it her way for sure.

 

 

Yer Pal,

R A N T W I C K