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Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Fat Head

As some of you may know, I recently had to replace my bicycle helmet thanks to an idiotic wipeout. I have always known that I had a large noggin. I bought the biggest helmet Canadian Tire had and it just fit if I dialled the thingy to the largest possible circumference.

Yesterday and the day before were the first days in a long time that I've wanted to cover my head and ears, and that meant I could try out this awesome balaclava my kids got me for Christmas. It is made of warm windstopper material but also has nice features like lighter material over the ears so I can still hear and a square mesh breathy hole. I had cut a small hole in my old crappy balaclava for breathing purposes. Not necessary with this baby!


The crummy picture I took doesn't really show the breathy hole.

Today wasn't cold enough to warrant covering up quite that much...


I think I look quite attractive in this. I am now considering wearing a nice light fabric Hijab around the house just for kicks. Anyway, with the nice new balaclava on, my helmet wouldn't fit anymore. So I removed all the soft bits velcroed to the inside. The little scratchy velcro dots where the soft pads are supposed to attach were, well, scratchy, so I took them out too.



Now everything fits again. I left one soft pad in the helmet, repositioned to protect the head bump my phrenologist calls my "centre of kindess". Can you imagine? How bad would it be to accidentally lose your centre of kindness (what could be more important, really?) all because your stupid head was too big to fit inside your bike helmet while wearing a present from your kids? I mean, what use is honouring your children's gift if you turn around and can longer be kind to them or anyone else? Thank goodness for my phrenologist, Mordecai McBumpanoggin. He's great. You should look him up if you live here, or even if you're just passing through. As you can see, it has changed my life.  


Yer Pal, R A N T W I C K

PS - Does anybody else have trouble typing the word "helmet" without making a typo? Just curious.

PPS - No covering up this morning, 12 C with a tailwind. Damn near perfect.

10 comments:

McBump said...

Hey Rantwick, thanks for the shoutout! I am so pleased that you are taking care of your kindness centre! You are making excellent progress.

M

anniebikes said...

If you're back to commuting, does that mean the satanic auto is gone? Just wondering.

As for a big fat head, my father-in-law is in the same boat (do you have to wear a boat?). He is not a cyclist but his Red Sox cap is huge!

I figured you could take the humor...

RANTWICK said...

Satan is still in the driveway, but I'm still planning to sell it and have managed to ride more despite the evil presence.

I can take the humour; I am this close to needing special sizes. My head be chunky.

Fanky fank said...

The science known as "Phrenology" has many haters, but it was state of the art at its time, and has yet to be refuted.

This approach was popular from the mid 1700’s to the mid 1800’s. An Austrian physician named Franz Gall look at the size and shape of people’s skulls. He theorized that there were 3 major regions of the brain – the intellectual, the moral, and the “lower.” The relative development of these 3 areas would determine a person’s personality type and behaviour.

For fans of Sigmund Freud, this sounds much like his concepts of "id", "ego", and "superego." Freud's work lasted well into the 1900's, and is still adhered to by modern psychotherapists. So don't be too quick to dismiss.

RANTWICK said...

You're preaching to the choir there, Mr. Fanky Fank! Phrenology ROCKS!

RANTWICK said...

Did you see that, McBump? Not everyone thinks you're a quack!

Oldfool said...

I never have trouble typing hemet.

M McBumpanoggin said...

Hey man, I ust want to thank you for the validation... you are indeed being kind, which proves I was right about that bump.

Anonymous said...

Thanks to BikeSnob I once typed "helment" on a google search. Now that pronounciation pops in my head everytime I see the word. :/

RANTWICK said...

Anon - I read the snob all the time too. Did I start mistyping helmet after he started that helment thing? Perhaps. Only the crabon gods know.

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