FARATS News - Timing Is Everything

FARATS, the First Annual Rantwick Autumn Tree Smackdown, is hitting a critical time. The picture you see above is not The King, but it is one of his near neighbours.

As you can see, The King is strong in comparison. What is that almost naked tree? A jester? His Queen? Who knows? Thanks to a windy Fall in most of North America, getting that great shot of a super tree has been challenging (I stole this observation from Cafiend of Citizen Rider). Even The King was hard to get a good picture of, and I was visiting every couple of days. Yesterday it was clear that The King had passed his peak of foliage related glory for this season. Something funky happened to my camera memory and I have no pics, but trust me, he's on his way down for this year. Thank goodness I caught him on what I consider his best day about a week ago.

Brace yourselves, because what follows is my official FARATS entry:

Think you can beat it? To be honest, The King looks good, but I strongly suspect that someone will topple him. In a way, that's good, because I've laid hands on the prize for the winner!

I won't lie... when I located the prize I also bought some for myself. I have tasted it and it is everything I had hoped. Jakeman's has been voted best tasting maple syrup in Canada in recent years and always places in the top ranks of most maple syrup ranker's rankings. So, the prize is a small amount (100 mL, 3.4 fl. oz.) of pure Canada #1 Extra Light maple syrup (click here to see how freaky I am about it) from one of Canada's top producers, located only about 30 minutes from my home of London Ontario.

Don't let the tiny plastic jug (rather than decorative glass) fool you... one thing I have learned about syrup is that light affects it somehow. I forget how, but it does. So there. I purchased this prize right at Jakeman's retail store, amidst (or is it among?) some of the very trees that offered up this divine elixir. I am happy to say that in all the vast variety of tinned, bottled, jarred, candied, ice-wined and other maple-ized products, this was the ONLY one that said "Our very finest" on it. Done deal. I don't like to use crude language on this blog, but I'm sorry, this stuff is the shit.

Tell me, do you want some? Send your best tree picture to rantwick at gmail dawt com (if you don't know what I mean there, you are too stupid to enter my contest no matter how great your tree is) or link to it in the comments on any of my posts. One or just a few trees only in your picture please, since I can't have a whole forest ganging up on The King. Deadline is Dec 15. I'm gonna post pics of entries as they come in, but on Dec 16 a page will go up with all entrants and a way of voting for your favourite. After a voting period ending early in 2011, the winner will receive the aforementioned maple-y awesomeness.

Yer Pal,

R A N T W I C K

PS - Some nice people I know have expressed an interest in sending me pictures of trees that are not official entries for the contest. Bring 'em on! Got an awesome mountainside of foliage madness? I'll post them with pleasure; just not in the official vote for trees post on Dec 16. Knowing this, it would be wise to be very clear that your official entry is indeed your official entry in your email or comment.

Good News! I'm Not Dead!

Wait a sec, good news for most, I should say. There are at least a few drivers out there who enjoy threatening to kill me. They might be OK with my death. I don't like going on and on about the rare jerk face (like the one I met this morning) who threatens me with his or her vehicle, so enough of that.

I'm really only writing this to apologize for my unexpected absence from this space... I am just plain slammed at work and at home right now and don't really know when I'll get back on my blogging horse. The frustrating part for me is that I have lots to write about for a change. Spectacular posts as of yet un-started include:

- prize for Smackdown located, purchased and just waiting to be won!

- another video featuring a squirrel

- another post about nihilism bridge and spray-painted messages

+ a bunch of other stuff I am forgetting

By the time I get to some of these there may be snow on the ground, while the pics and videos will be from Summer and Fall. Ah well, maybe that'll be nice.

Thanks as always for reading, especially in these times with nothing much going on. I'll get back at it soon I hope.

Yer Pal,

R A N T W I C K

Spandex / Lycra Cycling Apparel - Bring On the Hate

"why all the hate. At least the dude is going green. The funny thing is after many trips to Europe you see tons of bicycle commuters but none of them wear faggoty spandex."

- SuperSexyBoiGod , commenting on the Spandex Commuter vs. Electric Bike video (comment on youtube.com) that I used in an episode of Encounters With Rantwick.

I didn't respond to that one. I was too hurt deep inside to do so, having learned that I had been hateful without knowing it and was also "faggoty". I just crawled under the blankets and wept for a while.

"You are slow despite your best efforts to squeeze your plump body into spandex. This is something no one of your build or stature should ever try to do. The tight clothes aren't going to reduce drag...they're only displaying things to the world that no man, or woman should ever display... Clothing is important...be comfortable but don't go out looking like Lance Armstrong unless you can pull it off."

- Dave, commenting on my How's My Driving sign.

These comments I did respond to, because that was the point of the sign. Click the link to see the whole conversation.

Thanks to comments like these aimed at me and many others on the Internet, I have come to realize that for many people, it isn't the cyclist that brings forth their ire, but rather the spandex he or she is wearing. They seem to hate it even more if you're wearing that stuff and you're not in tip-top shape, and god help you if you are (gasp) overweight. Apparently overweight people like myself have no right to wear it. I know that that most people commute in something other than the tight stuff. For myself, I find a pair of real cycling shorts with a chamois and everything the most comfortable, so that's what I wear. Here is a picture of my faggoty butt:

The thing is, many people also seem to find this pretentious somehow. Out come the "Lance wannabe" slurs and all that stuff without any provocation. I'm riding a bike with fenders and panniers, but apparently I am a Lance wannabe... I can't imagine how often roadies in full racing kit must hear (or read) that expression.

I guess that is one of many nice things about cycling in colder weather. My cold weather cycling pants are snug, but not in the same way as cycling shorts. Besides, in the cold and snow people are less likely to see me and think "look at this fatass Lance wannabe ****ole", they think instead, "look at this insane freak!" Much better.

Are we still tight? I hope so. Yer Pal,

R A N T W I C K

PS - Before I decided to just use my own butt in this post, I tried to google up an image of a fat behind in spandex. I came across many of those images that say "FAIL" on them. I really dislike this whole "FAIL" thing. I mean, who do these people think they are, sitting in judgement "Failing" people they don't know in situations they know nothing about? Who's the bigger failure, people who get caught doing something foolish or looking silly, or people who sit around being nasty to strangers (or worse, "friends") on the Internet for fun?