Saddle Up: Pleasure and Pain at the US Patent Office

I've been browsing at the patent office again. Despite the title of this post, let's start with the pain. It would seem that some would prefer to sit while they stand!

Patent #7331595 - Auxiliary bicycle seat for stand-up uphill pedaling support

From the Abstract: An auxiliary hill climbing bicycle seat is formed from a T-shaped tubular structure attached, preferably by welding, to a bicycle cross bar. A narrow foam padding and a cover over the T-shaped pipe form a narrow auxiliary hill climbing seat positioned in front of the regular seat directly over the pedals in an elevated position higher than the regular seat.

I have just a couple of observations beyond the most obvious ones that include "oof!" and "why?" Once this thing is installed, how do you stop for a minute or get off your bike? Since it is installed preferably by welding, do you have one bike to get to the hill, and another to climb it? I have more questions, but I'm sure you do too. Let's move on to matters more pleasant.

Patent #7108667 - Bicycle saddle with vibrating massager

From the Abstract: An improved bicycle saddle having a shell which supports at least one battery operated vibrator. When the vibrator is energized, its vibration causes the shell and therefore the bicycle seat to vibrate. The vibrator has an on/off switch so that it may be turned on periodically by the rider to improve the comfort of the bicycle saddle.

I'm just gonna let you fill in the blanks here, because I can't think of much to say that wouldn't be beneath me and the lofty goals of this blog. Well, wait. Maybe I do want to say a couple of things. At least one?! How many seat-based vibrators does any one person need? Turned on periodically? I know if I decided to obtain such a magic bicycle saddle, I would have it on full blast, all the time, mm hmmm, oh baby... That is, of course, if something like this appealed to me.

Yer Pal,

R A N T W I C K

If it sounds too good to be true...

I read somewhere that powerful magnets, like the rare earth ones found in computer hard drives, could "trip" the induction loops that sense the presence of cars for traffic signals. Getting such an effect from a small magnet sounded far fetched to me, but hope springs eternal, as does my supply of old hard drives. Getting the magnets called for some destruction, and who doesn't like breaking stuff? I got down to work right on the coffee table. Our betta fish Dill (who lives in a pickle jar) looked on while I unscrewed, bent, smashed and pulled at the hard drives.

The magnets are attached to a metal plate, and are quite small and thin:

These magnets are incredibly strong for their size. In the first picture, that was about as close as I could get them to each other without them slamming together. If you let two of them get stuck together, they were super hard to pull apart. Also if you are handling two of them, watch your fingers, because they are strong enough to give you a nasty pinch trying to get together. They were so strong for their size that I was beginning to hope that these little suckers would really work. I eagerly took them to work the next day for testing.

My workplace has a shop area that includes a kind of "zip door" much like a garage door, except really fast. It can be activated by a small induction loop in the concrete floor. This loop is small and sensitive enough that the steel in safety shoes can set it off. I figured it would be an ideal first test for my magnets. They didn't work, at all. I was disappointed, but not surprised. At least I hadn't spent any time on a hack for my bike or, as some have done, shoes.

When I got home I did a little more research, and several articles I read debunked the magnet myth. There are companies that sell such things for motorcycles, but there is no proof that they work. Some people swear that they do, but the brainier looking articles I read said no. I did learn, however, that positioning your bike over the cuts for an induction loop increases your chances that it will detect your wheels. I've been doing that and I think it has been working at least some of the time.

Long story short, I got to break some tech stuff and am now the proud owner of 4 very powerful fridge magnets. They work beautifully.

Everyone plays the sucker now and then. I think.

R A N T W I C K