Living With WTF Syndrome

For those of you who don't already know, I suffer from Word To Form (WTF) syndrome. Some helpful commenters helped me to identify my peculiar malady before I even knew it had a name, when I apologetically published the results of my first episode of WTF:

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Those nice people helped me to understand that I wasn't alone, and that knowledge allowed me to reconcile myself with my disease. So, what is WTF syndrome? It is characterized by thinking or saying something odd, followed by the thought, "I wonder what that would look like?" The next phase of the disease involves compulsively answering that question by manipulating existing images to provide an actual visual of some sort. The final stage of the syndrome requires the afflicted person to publish the aforementioned result online or at least show it to some friends or coworkers. Since I want to keep both my friends and my job, I have restricted myself to posting the results of my WTF online only.

WTF is a funny thing. I can go for months without an episode. When it strikes, I am caught completely by surprise, like with the bizarre and moronic PSA about cement trucks:

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WTF can also be sneaky. I didn't even recognize it the time it caused me to create a freakish movie poster:

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Anyway, as you may have guessed, I have been stricken by WTF again. On a recent post of mine, frequent visitor and commenter Steve A, owner of the blog dfw point-to-point, thought that one of my videos would have been even better had it featured dwarfs and squirrels. I think he was referring to what has become my personal White Whale, the racing dwarf I met once, and a video in which I spoke of squirrels' love of bikes as opposed to cars. He also teased me a little about the relatively warm weather in Texas. His taunting prompted me to threaten him with a squirrel and dwarf attack squad, and WHAM! WTF syndrome hit me hard. What would a squirrel and dwarf attack squad look like?

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original image links here and here and here and here and here and here.

Sadly, I know just how this looks. Pity me. I must publish it, even when I fear it might cause people to think me mad, stupid or weird. WTF requires it!

Well, thanks for letting me get that out. I do appreciate those who travel with me as I continue to live and learn from my syndrome, sharing in my journey of pain and healing and lunacy and joy and hunger and laziness and stupidness and sleepiness. Before I go, I need to show you two pictures that showed up when I did a google image search for "dwarf warrior":

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Good God! WTF syndrome? Hah! I am way boring, almost even normal.

Have a Great Weekend,

R A N T W I C K

Oof!

In a recent post I recommended riding "almost as fast as you can" on snow covered streets because momentum is good. That remains true when it is all snow, but as you can see below, carrying bare pavement speed into a patch of snow isn't necessarily recommended...

When I'm losing control, I instinctively drift right, in this case right into a snowbank. I was gonna say it was nice that nobody saw me, but that wouldn't make much sense after posting a video of the event, would it?

Yer Pal,

R A N T W I C K

Nuthin' Doin'

It is once again Monday, and I once again find myself with nothing to say. Thankfully others are hard at work posting exciting bike-related material on youtube...

Now THAT's a Monday kind of video, don't you think? Please forgive me for making you suffer through it too.

Nowhere to go but up from here!

Yer Pal,

R A N T W I C K

Patently Joyless

Yes, I've been back at the patent office again. It is a sickness, I know. Just the same, it is a treasure trove of great ideas. For sneering judgemental blog posts by yours truly, mostly. And to add to the already psychotic excitement of a patent search, I scooped a patent that was issued today. Did you catch that? TODAY! It is a proud and indescribable thing, kind of like the day you learned to ride a bike.

Remember the first time you successfully rode a bike? Odds are you were thrilled by the feeling of accelerating away from Mom or Dad or whoever, finally able to propel yourself into a brave and exciting new world. I remember my brothers and sisters "teaching" me to ride... it did not involve training wheels or anything. They would push me along on a bike a little too big for me, get me pedaling, give me a good shove and see how far I got before I crashed, which I did quite a lot. I was fond of heading for somebody's lawn as soon as I felt too wobbly, so most of the time I just wiped out on the grass. Helmet? Nah. Quiet street with no cars? Yah. I consider the first time I made it to the end of the short block and successfully turned around to make my way back without crashing the day I learned to ride a bike. I was proud. I was relieved. I was elated. I felt like this:

I'm a sucker for laughing babies, but I used the above clip because I couldn't find any video of really happy kids on bikes. I wonder why? I may have found a clue... in today's climate of fretful and fearful parenting, letting a kid even get out of reach is a frightening loss of protective control. So, rather than allowing a child to feel in any way capable or free or, or God help us, unsupervised, somebody figured out how to suck all of the joy out of learning to ride a bike.

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I don't know why they didn't picture a modern kid's bike. I guess patent diagrams are not the right setting for levity or youthfulness, and neither is learning to ride a bike.

Go Johnny, go! Ooh, Johnny, you're doing it! Well, wait, don't try to go fast! Hang on, you're more than 30' away from me! What, do you expect me to run or something? You ungrateful little risk-taking lunatic! You could have been hurt! There's got to be a better way... ahah! (Insert light bulb here)

I'm all for protecting children from real dangers. I would suggest teaching your kid to ride a bike someplace safe that allows them to actually get away from you a little bit. My guess is that if you're the type to put a leash on a bicycle, they might really like that.

Keep It Under Control until next time,

R A N T W I C K