Ortlieb Pannier Review Update and a Super Hack - That Pesky Strap

I love my Ortlieb panniers. I've got a pair of front roller classics that I use on my rear rack. They're great, as I've noted a couple of times in a review post. I have discovered, however, that I am not alone in having a bit of a peeve with the shoulder/"pull down" strap.

I found out that it wasn't just me when I revisited the cycling forum thread that was the basis for one of my earliest and longest blog posts ever, "Ortlieb's Inferno - A Descent Into Cycling Forum Hell". Here's the deal on the strap:

After using the pannier for a couple of months, I removed the plastic/rubber shoulder pad thing because it got in the way of adjusting the strap length sometimes. In addition, I seemed to always be in danger of losing the strap, so I took to leaving one end of it connected at all times, including when I was rolling and unrolling the top. It wasn't a big deal, but it was just slightly annoying, as was adjusting the strap length depending on how full the pannier was.

After months of operating that way, I managed to lose one of the straps anyway. That wasn't a big deal, really, because I never used them as shoulder straps and I could just join the corners over the top instead:

This totally works and I've read of other people who do it this way, but I am an uptight (watertight?) freak:

What bugs me about the above pictures is that the rolled top leaves a crease/seam for rainwater to fall into (eek and ack) and looping over the top like that creates depressions in the top of the bag (ook) where water could collect. It probably would never make it into the bag, but I am a freak. Clicking over the top works against the excellent design of the bag. When using the strap, the roll top got pulled down in a better way and the top was smooth:

So there I was. Great panniers, niggling annoyance. Since I had zero interest in maintaining or using a shoulder strap anyway, I figured I should come up with something that suited my uses best. Here is what I did:

First, I assembled some aluminum sleeves (crimps), shock cord and pull-adjuster things. This assembly would replace the strap with something I could stretch and/or adjust the length of very quickly and easily.

Second, I looped the shock cord through the roll-top ends and pounded the aluminum sleeves flat. Done! Third, I tried it out. Fourth, I cut my contraption off the pannier because it was hopeless.

I knew the cord might get in the way somewhat while rolling the top, but not as badly as it did. My hack attempt was ill-conceived and totally sucked. That's OK though, because it will inform any further attempts I make. Please note that I would have tidied up those frayed ends if it had worked.

I'm cooking something up in my brainpan right now, so please refrain from advising me. I'm stupid, but I am also determined. Overcoming stupidity without help from smart people is just so much more satisfying, don't you think? Only answer that if you are stupid too... I guess you did just spend a few minutes reading this... Yep, you can answer.

Did I just call my readers stupid for reading my blog? Wow. Smooth, Rantwick. Real Smooth. Um, hey... I Love You.^*

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^* please note that said love is of the variety with which you are most comfortable and may include "like a brother", "in a non-creepy way" or "you know, as a friend" types. Especially if you are a dude.

PS - I revisited this "problem" with better results later on. Click here for that post.

Be Nice - You Never Know Who's Packin'

I've got nuthin' today except a wish to thank this ebay seller for their shoutout in their listing for some used Ortlieb front rollers... they linked to an old post of mine at the bottom of their description! That was awfully nice, I thought. If you're from the UK and have been wanting some waterproof panniers, you should check out that auction. Bidding is starting at a very reasonable price, I think.

Since that is all I've got to say, it is a good thing I had this video just waiting for such an occasion. I hope that something (i.e. this thing) is indeed better than nothing...

Trying to treat Everybody like they're packin' a Supersoaker, I remain Yer Pal,

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Are You #%^&1n' Kiddin' Me #4

This time I'm not on about a single product or advertisement, but rather an advertising trend. 3D. As most of you may have noticed, 3D movies are once again a big deal. TV makers are now offering 3D models. 3D is where its at.

My problem isn't with that stuff, although I have found most 3D stuff as underwhelming as it ever was. My problem is the application of a "3D" badge to things that just don't make sense.



I bought this stuff the other day because it was on sale. The 3D thing bugged me but I figured there would be some explanation on the label somewhere. There wasn't. So, like anyone with a little sprinkle of OCD and a dash of crabbiness, I went looking for an explanation online.

Henkel, the makers of Right Guard, explained a little on their UK web site: "Right Guard's high performance 3D formula provides three dimensions of protection: It fights perspiration, prevents odour and releases freshness throughout the day for maximum confidence." Well, at least there was some feeble attempt at justifying the 3D thing. Strangely, I didn't see any such ad copy on the North American site. Just this: "Right Guard Sport 3D Odor Defense provides 24 hour protection, sweat blockers, and odor blockers." OK then.

As a side note, I learned that the makers of Right Guard and Soft&Dry also make industrial adhesives and sealants, Loctite among them. Huh! Hope they never have a mix up at the plant!

Already having a chip on my shoulder about my 3D antiperspirant, I then saw this ad for Crest 3D Whitestrips:

Never mind the fact that I hate commercials that use weddings and wedding dresses and all that emotionally loaded crap to sell stuff. Once again, I just wanted some sort of rationale for the "3D" thing that I didn't get.

So, once again, off to the web site! I found a link there called The 3D White Story . Excellent! Surely that would explain the 3D thing! Well, no, not really. Or at all. Like the Right Guard stuff, they did mention three things right off the top, but didn't even use the word "dimensions".

"What is a 3D White Smile?

A 3D White smile is a smile that turns heads. It’s magnetic, alluring, and most importantly, attainable."

In fact, I used Google to search the entire 3dwhite.com site for the word "dimensions" or "dimension" and got nothing.

Did you know you could search an individual web site using Google? I didn't until recently when I saw a friend of mine do it. Use the following syntax in the Google search box:

yoursearchword site:www.website.com


So anyway, I'm ticked that companies are slapping "3D" on things without really even trying to explain how it might specifically apply to that thing any more than other things. Because physical objects, including health and beauty products, are all in 3D. My house is full of 3D furniture, I ate 3D toast this morning and rode my 3D bike to work today. My kids are in glorious full motion high definition 3D, sharply displayed in every conceivable colour available to the human eye. 3D antiperspirant and toothpaste? Are You #%^&1n' Kiddin' Me?

It is a very good thing that bicycles are in 3D. I mean, imagine the wedgie...

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