We're going camping for a few days starting this coming weekend, and I'm really looking forward to it. I know I've been mentioning Canadian Tire an awful lot lately... and now it would seem I'm gonna do it some more. I was looking for power inverters and crank radios and stuff for our trip on the Canadian Tire web site, and stumbled across something unexpected; a carnivore light! Before I could read up on this intriguing item, I saw that it was a flashlight:
I didn't understand. Was the flashlight a carnivore? In that case I really didn't want one. Was the flashlight for carnivores? What kind of carnivores use flashlights?
Owls?
The grandaddy of them all, the mighty T-Rex?
Perhaps Venus Flytrap?
And what carnivore other than Venus Flytrap would have $80 for a flashlight anyway?
Well, I gave my head a shake and stopped thinking such crazy thoughts and read about the flashlight. Turns out it is a "blood tracking" flashlight that can help illuminate blood traces, helping hunters to find game that has been wounded. I went deer hunting once with a friend and his Dad as a teenager, and found that I couldn't pull the trigger. Still, I have no problem with responsible hunters. Some of you may find that kind of gross, but to my mind wounded game is better off found than left to suffer off in the bush somewhere. Still, "carnivore?" Gerber, the maker of the light, also sell an "omnivore" model that doesn't have the blood tracking lights. Going with that logic, I think they should introduce the "herbivore" or "vegan" or maybe the "Veggie Lite", a flashlight for wildlife photographers.
Some of you may be thinking, "what the hell is Rantwick writing about this stupid flashlight for? This has nothing to do with cycling!" There are two points I would like to make in this regard. Firstly, the beauty of writing a blog, whether it appears to have a theme or not, is that I can write about whatever I please. The blog isn't called "cycling stuff", it's called RANTWICK, which means I can be as selfish and random with my subject matter as I wish. I really like that, and my hope is that other people enjoy a change of pace now and then too. Second of all, hunting and cycling sometimes do go together.
image source: pasty.com
And I thought I was a utility cyclist! With carnivores like this around, deer will try anything to get away...
Like I said, I'm going camping and we're leaving Friday morning. That means that there's a ton to do over the next few days that doesn't include blogging. Going by this post, perhaps a little blog break will be a good thing! Anyway, I'm gonna vanish from this space for about a week.
I'll be back next Wednesday to announce the winner of the Captcha contest! Until then, ride your bikes all over the place. Yer Pal,
R A N T W I C K
Note: in case you were considering the carnivore for your blood tracking needs, you should know that it is powered by 4 AA batteries, so it isn't nearly as big as it looks in some of my photoshopped pictures.
Firstly, I think this picture is actually kind of nice, and I quite like my work in a general sense. It is how they relate to last Tuesday afternoon that makes me dislike them so as I write this.
As I have mentioned before, I use a fairly cheap and old digital camera mounted on my handlebars to take video from my bike. I usually just decide to press record at some point and let it go until the memory card is full or the batteries run out. Trying to turn it on and off to catch funny or interesting stuff has proven futile; things happen too fast.
Last Tuesday, I got to work and at lunch time deleted the files from the memory card from the morning ride in, since nothing interesting had been captured. After lunch, I used the camera to take video for work reasons, recording the performance (or lack thereof) of some new stuff we're using, and moved those files off the card before heading home. On the way home, in the shade of the bridge on Wellington street, I noticed that the low battery light on the camera was blinking. Unusual, but understandable because of the extra work-related duties the camera had done previously in the day. I also noticed that the scene in front of me was kind of nice, so I stopped, took the camera off the bike, snapped a few shots of the river, and knowing it only had seconds to live anyway, turned it off and put it in my fanny pack.
The next ten minutes of my ride would present me with no less than four things I would have loved to catch on video, as I would have done if my batteries had lasted longer, which they would have if I hadn't used the camera for work stuff. The picture above only reminds me of the strange and interesting things I did not get on video. Therefore the picture sucks, and I hate work. You are not going to believe me, I don't think, about what happened once the camera had been put away. This stuff is true, I swear.
Missed Video Clip #1: Racing Dwarf
As I came down the hill just West of Carfrae on the bike path, behind Labatt's, there was a dwarf, a little person, coming towards me on the other side of the path. Upon seeing me, he turned around and ran as fast as he could beside me for several steps. He didn't say or do anything else. He couldn't keep it up for long because he was wearing flip flops. Why he did this I have no idea.
Missed Video Clip #2: Clean White Sock
Not far past the racing dwarf, there was a kid with two grownups walking on the path. As I approached, the kid, with a magician-like flourish, withdrew from his pocket a bright white sport sock, which he then carefully laid on the path in front of me, as though he wished me to run it over. The timing was close enough that one of the grownups grabbed his shoulders and pulled him up and away from the sock, which he was still carefully positioning. Again, why he did this I have no idea. I did not run over the sock.
Missed Video Clip #3: Makeout Madness
Sometimes you see young couples kissing or snuggling or whatever on park benches or even under bridges along the path. These people are not usually captured in any useful way by my camera, since they are off to the side. That's fine with me; I have no interest in recording riverside romance. But as I came off the Horton Street bridge and got back on the path, I was presented with a makeout scene of epic proportions. They were an attractive pair, and this young couple was standing almost on the centre line of the path. Arms and hands and lips were flying all over the place, and fallen straps and bits of clothing were also in evidence. It was so over the top that perhaps they were just trying to freak me and others out... if so, it worked. Seemed pretty real to me though.
Missed Video Clip #4: Cruise Night Immunity
As I approached the barricade for Cruise Night on Wortley Road, I saw something that was interesting. A bad-ass looking man, about 35-40 years old, with a dark tan, a few tattoos and some pretty big arm muscles, was riding his mountain bike straight up the middle of the Northern Occupied Territory. Strangely, nobody said anything to him about the "no bike" rules. Go and figure!
Any one of these four events could have been the basis of an entire blog post if I had gotten video. But I didn't. So they aren't. All I have instead is this:
This picture sucks and I hate work. Now that I have vented my frustrations, I am prepared to become more philosophical about this whole thing. You know the expression "when God closes a door, he opens a window?" Well, when God denies you video of a racing dwarf, he gives you a potential muskrat sighting!
You see, while I was taking those snaps of the river, a nice dude with two off-leash dogs and fairly few teeth walked up to me and said, "the river is pretty this time of year, isn't it?" I agreed that it was. Then he said, "yeah, this is a great spot. There's a giant muskrat that lives right over there. Haven't seen him today, because the water's so low, but he's as big as an otter!" I asked the man if he was easy to spot when he was around, and he said yes, for sure. So now I have two things to look out for and try to catch on video this summer. The dwarf (because I know you don't believe me) and this giant muskrat. Wish me luck!
Here, take another look at the stupid pretty picture.
If you ride a bike much at any speed, you quickly come to realize that some sort of glasses are necessary to keep the wind and bugs out of your eyes. In sub-zero temps, it becomes even more important, since you can really hurt your eyes with cold wind.
Just like bicycles, cycling glasses can cost just about as much as you are willing to spend.
The sunglasses shown above have some pretty impressive copy written for them, describing sunglass technology I didn't even know existed!
I am pretty rough on my sunglasses, so I have never had expensive ones like the ones pictured above. I bought a pair of knockoff $25 sunglasses at the drugstore about two years ago, and miraculously, I'm still wearing them as my summer glasses. The lenses are scratched and marked up, but I stay with them because of some customizations on them that I won't be able to find anywhere else.
My glasses originally had rubber nose rests that would slide a little sometimes. The earpieces and their rubber inserts never quite hugged just right either, and the glasses were a little heavy overall. Thanks to my customizer, however, my glasses have been perfect for the last month or so. Let me show you what he did:
By removing the rubber nose rests, he created micro sub-dermal insertion retaining posts. Just a gentle press, and those suckers stay put! No slip, no slide! He is a genius. Check this out:
The nano-abrasions act like tiny hooks that grab my skin and hair, and the wing ends have been reshaped to properly contact my asymmetrical and cauliflowered ears, minimizing slip and vibration! You can't get attention to detail like that off the shelf for any price. The removal of the soft rubber inserts allows the nano-abrasions to grasp on both the outer and inner surfaces of the ring, and shaves precious grams from the whole package. I am a very lucky fellow to have found my velo-optics customizer. Take a bow, super genius with the master craftsman's touch!
And to think you accomplished such fine high-end work using only your teeth! You are amazing, you sweet little bugger!
Please note: There are lots of pictures in this post. Most are clickable for larger versions.
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There is a Summer tradition that takes place near my house. It is called "Cruise Night", and it happens in Wortley Village on Wortley Road, just south of the bad pavement I photographed recently. Paradoxically, there is no "Cruising" involved, just the closing of a couple of blocks of the street and the parking of a whole bunch of beautiful classic cars, and God help you if you try to "Cruise" through on your bike. More on that later.
I love cars, especially classic cars. I have a real soft spot for old T-Birds in particular, like this '62 and '63 pair of beauties I saw at last night's Cruise Night:
Or this RED 1965 Thunderbird Convertible:
I like '56 and '57 T-Birds best of all, but I didn't see any last night. I did, however, see an awesome GTO. Check out the hood tach! I thought that was very, very cool.
There were lots of other cool cars, including this 1947 taxi and an old Plymouth Satellite. We had a '73 or so Plymouth Satellite station wagon when I was a kid. It had a rear-facing bench seat at the back that allowed me and my brothers to do all kinds of fun stuff to the cars behind us... but enough about that.
Like I said, I love cars like these. But man oh man, do I hate Cruise Night. Going through last night to take these pictures was the first time I had passed through in two years. Let me tell you why.
Firstly, it closes my most direct route home after work. I am often tired after work, and I don't like having to detour around this thing so close to getting home. Secondly, Cruise Night occurs EVERY Tuesday of the summer. If this was a twice a summer or even a once a month thing, I would be a lot less cranky. But every damn week? My guess is that most locals have seen 90% of the cars after attending just one cruise night. I know people enjoy getting together with their cars, but if you want to do it EVERY week, why not find a field or a parking lot instead of closing my street? I have been told that the Cruise Night organizers have to pay the City to close the street like that. I don't know if that's true or not. If it is true, I have a beef with the City for allowing these dudes to be such persistent and regular street closers. I think I'll find out where Cruise Night's head organizer lives and pay my fees to close the street that goes to his house every Wednesday night of the summer for my "Groovy Bicycle Show"! I wonder how he would like it?
Last, but certainly not least, I had a run-in with the organizers two years ago. Because conflict is not my bag, I just go around Cruise Night now, muttering the whole way. Two summers ago, though, I was stopped at the barriers closing off the street and asked to dismount from my bicycle. I complied, walked a few steps, and seeing that there weren't any pedestrians to endanger, I got back on and very slowly started riding through. Now, the Cruise Night organizers always have a nice loud PA system set up so that various local bands can play fifties and other music at the event. That's cool with me. I am an amateur musician who gigs a few times a year myself. I'm all for people getting out, playing some tunes and having a good time. When that same PA system is used to yell at me in front of everyone on the block, I get a little pissed.
Here is how this little play went down:
Mr. Microphone (over loudspeakers): "You on the bike with the black helmet. Get off your bicycle. There is no riding allowed among the cars."
Rantwick, nowhere near any of the cars or any people, scowls, dismounts, walks his bicycle to the sidewalk and remounts. He resumes riding, very slowly.
Mr. Microphone (over loudspeakers): "It is illegal to ride your bike on the sidewalk, stop riding the bike".
Rantwick stops and looks over his shoulder at Mr. Microphone.
Rantwick (yelling, voice cracking like an adolescent boy's): YOU stop closing my street every week!
Rantwick resumes riding very slowly.
Mr. Microphone (over loudspeakers):I guess some people just think the law doesn't apply to them!
Rantwick rides slowly away, red-faced and muttering profanities. Fade to black mood that lasts for two years.
FIN
I was a 38 year old man riding his bike slowly and carefully through an event that wasn't really underway yet. Only about half of the cars had arrived, and there were very few people at that point. I should have gone back to Mr. Microphone and asked him who the hell he thought he was, power tripping and playing John Law with his sound system, and publicly "shaming" me in the process. Instead, I just rode away. My best guess is that Mr. Microphone never had the "Mr. Microphone" as a young man, and as a result never managed to use his convertible to its full potential.
This "amplification void" was left unfilled until this poor fellow became the grand poohbah of Cruise Night. Sadly, the mic came too late, for he was already too cranky and bitter to use it for good stuff like getting some action, and resorted to taking his frustrations out on me instead.
Of course, if I could have a do-over, I would have just walked my bike through as requested. It was late in the summer, and I was sick of going around this thing every week, and I suppose I was kind of asking for it. My beef is not really with the cruise night "no bike" rules - it is with whoever that jackass on the mic was. It makes me want to show up with a bullhorn to even up the score a little. I might want to opine loudly about what I think of people closing my street every week, complete with barricades and sentries and self-appointed legal authorities. You know what that sounds like to me? Occupation! Cruise Night "takes the village" on a weekly basis!
I never remember about Cruise Night until I see the barricades and sentries. All I can do is detour around it, muttering, "you know that Cruise Night Takes A Village, Idiot! You should have remembered and gone a different way!" Ah well, time heals all wounds. This stuff won't bother me a bit when I'm dead.
Remember, grudges are like toads, so don't hold 'em for very long!
R A N T W I C K
P.S. - It's a good thing very few Londoners read this blog. If Wortley Villlagers (or at least their business and community associations) did, they would probably try to piece together who I am and run me out of Old South for being a traitor to their quaint and kitschy ways and not loving every little thing about the precious Village. If you hate Cruise Night too, please, PLEASE leave me a comment! Anonymous will do fine! If you are a Cruise Night booster and this post has angered you, I welcome your comments too.
These pictures were taken on the north end of Wortley Road, between Victor and Askin. This is a tricky area for cyclists that I plan to look at later with a video discussing the difficulties associated with this 2 lane stretch of road. For now though, I want to talk about pavement.
There is much discussion of bicycle infrastructure out there these days. Lots of people are supportive of separate bicycle facilities, whether they be painted bike lanes or elaborate divided lane systems with their own signal lights, etc.
There are other cyclists who would rather just be treated fairly under the law and by motorists when they ride a bicycle just as they would a motorcycle; they are typically referred to as vehicular cyclists. Although I'm not a 100% VC kind of rider, I like that approach better.
If the bicycle advocacy role were mine alone to play, I would ask for just one thing. Smoother pavement. If governments and city planners could provide me with smooth pavement, or even substantially better pavement, I would be content. If a road seems too narrow to be safely passed on, so be it. I will adjust my lane position. Just give me smooth pavement. If downtown traffic flow is confusing, pedestrians are frequently in my way or parking layout creates lots of door zones, that's OK. I will deal. Just give me smooth pavement. If there aren't many good places for me to lock up my bike, that's alright. I'll find a spot somewhere. Just give me smooth pavement. If you want to ticket me for riding through a stop sign, that's fine, just remember to also ticket sidewalk riders, and, of course, give me smooth pavement. If you want to legislate me into wearing a helmet, go for it, I already wear one anyway. Just give me smooth pavement. I could go on forever, but I think you get my drift.
Other people care about these things. I'm not saying they shouldn't; some of these things are good ideas. All I'm saying is that if it were up to me, I would trade them all for smooth streets. Just give me smooth pavement, and I'll be happy to do the rest regarding my safety and access.
Hang on a second! I wouldn't trade "bike blogs"! That was a mistake, I like them too much! Give me bike blogs! And smooth pavement.
R A N T W I C K
Postscript: If you're riding that bit of Wortley Road, please note that if the crummy road and the crazy cars fail to take you out, there's still the banana peel...
First of all, get your mind out of the gutter. I'm talking about my winter bike, affectionately named "Winter". Normally I wouldn't be the type to assign a gender to my bike. Bikes, after all, are bikes. When I was building this bike, however, I was anxious to get it finished because it was starting to snow now and then. I used some good but very pink brake cable I had lying around...
The PINK
Now, the Dirty
I'm a little ashamed to show this bike in such dirty and rusty condition; I just dumped her for my new fixed commuter build when spring came. I will get her all cleaned up and remove all the rust I can before winter comes and I wreck it all over again. While we're on the topic, why would fenders come with anything other than stainless hardware? I can understand other bicycle bits, but fenders? Water and rain are what they are for. I know, of course, that it keeps costs for the manufacturer down, and these didn't cost an arm and a leg, but once again: they are fenders, for Pete's sake! Thanks for letting me get that out.
This monstrosity was made from a partially destroyed Gary Fisher Bitter that I found in local classifieds.
I feel a little bit bad for doing this to what used to be a pretty respectable dirt jumper. I added the rigid fork, wheels, fenders, a big old plastic tub and studded tires among other things. The odd fender placement and other strange things about this bike are mostly by design, and specifically aimed at winter riding in heavy snow and slush. Even that high-riding ugly plastic tub; panniers would just become heavily crusted with icy buildup, and my storage needs to be utterly waterproof. London Ontario's winter is quite mild in comparison to other Canadian cities, and very similar to most northern US cities. It is often as wet as it is cold. We do get a lot of snow, which is most often heavy and wet too.
Without fail, the thing people remark upon first when they see this bike are the pink brake cables, instead of the fact that it is a complete and utter mutant. That is not why I started to see this bike as a she, though.
This is:
This child is Winter's human doppelganger. When I saw this picture, I laughed a bit, and then an image of Winter immediately sprang to mind. Dirty, with pink accessories. This kid also has a look in her eye that corresponds perfectly with how I feel sometimes while riding in the snow, and how Winter would feel if she weren't just an abused and ill-fated machine, destined to forever live a life of cold and slush, ice and salt. I don't know who this kid is, but I'll bet she's having a great summer. Maybe I should take Winter for a summer trail ride, just to keep her happy too...
If you are all set to leave a comment about my mental state, please don't bother. Believe me, I already know.
I've written in the past that I couldn't care less what people wear when they ride, so long as it is safe. That certainly remains true, so I would ask that others don't judge me for what I choose. One item that I use is currently viewed with disdain by many. It is a fanny pack. If you are thinking "huh? I thought fanny packs were alright", you are out of the loop, my friend, and I have the cultural evidence to prove it.
For starters, when self-styled youtube rap stars begin to mock something, you know it's all over:
Now, one might argue that the young and freaky surfing the gnarly waves of youtube culture are not necessarily representative of the greater society, and that might be correct if this evidence of fanny pack dislike was standing alone. However, there is more evidence to consider in this case.
Fanny pack This is great if you're trying to create a singularity of pure geekness that will open up a portal to an alternate universe where they're still making episodes of Reboot. But if there are even two working neurons in the style portion of your brain, the same neurons that explained that Mr. T's haircut won't look as good on you, then you're going to want to pass on this one. On the other hand, if you've burned those neurons out through years of cosplay, more power to you. Just don't stand near me. Worst part: Do you really want to appear to have two rear ends?
When you find a self-professed gadget freak bashing fanny packs as being geeky while using some sort of sci-fi trek-speak in order to refer to some nerd show (which rocks, by the way; Can-Con forever, baby!) on the oh-so-hip site wired.com three years ago, you just know something terrible has happened to the fanny pack industry by now.
When something becomes not only unfashionable but also the trademark of a loser, the thing's name itself begins to carry some stigma. When that same thing remains pretty useful to some people (like me) who will continue to buy some of these stigmatized things, merchandisers find it necessary to change the thing's name! Voila! Problem solved! The evidence:
MSN Shopping - Despite the browser page title, there's only one "Fanny pack" in the first thirty items. Now, some of those bags are special purpose ones that are not of the classic fanny pack variety, but many of them are fanny packs of the most ordinary kind. Lumbar packs? Waist Bags? C'mon! Are you kidding me?
While I have never claimed or cared to be particularly fashionable, why would I sport an old-fashioned variety of such a reviled item? Because in my case it serves a secret, second purpose. You know there's probably only a few things less fashionable than a fanny pack, and one of them is bicycling butt crack:
Author's note: if you are into making yourself gag, want to have some nightmares later and/or shudder intermittently for several hours, just do a google image search for butt cracks. The pictures above are a walk in the park in comparison.
I live in mortal fear of showing even a hint of butt crack while I'm riding. As a result I have spent much energy pulling the back of my shorts up and the tail of my shirt down over the last several years. The degree to which I have had to do this depends largely on the age of my shorts and the length of my shirt.
I typically wear cycling shorts (yes, the spandex with chamois deal) and some sort of cheap polyester/wicking material sport shirt when I ride. Even though I'm usually not going too far, I prefer to sweat in clothes that I won't be wearing all day at work.
I haven't ever purchased a true cycling jersey, since I figure that their main feature, the wicking away of moisture, can be accomplished well enough by the aforementioned cheap stuff. One thing that most jerseys have that cheap shirts lack is a pocket (or pockets) in the back to carry a few things in. If you are a jersey wearer, please let me know if I'm missing something important or extra good about them.
W A R N I N G
The following content contains images of Rantwick's fat ass. You have hereby been notified of the impending danger, and by scrolling downward or proceeding to read this material you are waiving any right to pursue damages against Rantwick for psychological, retinal, gastrointestinal or any other injury or trauma.
I found an old fanny pack around the house and started using it a couple of weeks ago. Beyond being a handy place for wallet, phone, etc., it holds the back of my shirt down perfectly, so it never creeps up while I ride, and no one, including me, has any worries about any posterior peek-a-boo action. The proof:
All hail the Anti-crack Fanny Pack! Now that has a ring to it, unlike "Anti-crack waist bag"... that just sounds like some sort of messed up social worker. I should go into marketing.
If you haven't been too traumatized, come visit me again some time.
R A N T W I C K
PS - I would certainly be remiss if I didn't thank my wife for helping me with this post. I got home first. Having just picked up the kids and while getting out of the car, the first thing she heard from me was "I need you to take pictures of my ass, on my bike, from behind, before I get changed". Without batting an eyelid, she took the camera from me and said "OK, what do you need?" I told her what to shoot and why we were doing it, and she did it without any fuss at all. Now that's love, friend of mine, uh huh.
You know, steel is great stuff. Many excellent bicycles are made of steel. People can do wonderful things with steel, including build sweet lugged frames that I have a soft spot for. Many sing the praises of steel frames as being superior in that they flex just enough to offer a smoother ride. The single biggest plus for steel, however, is that it's easy to rhyme. "Steel is Real". Oh yeah.
Both of my current bikes (which I have named "Winter" and "Summer") have frames made of aluminum. While aluminum frames are usually marginally lighter than steel, that is not why I chose it, because 1) I'm no racer and 2) I have many pounds to shed before the weight of my bike will matter. I have always rather liked the ride qualities of my aluminum bikes; maybe I'm a glutton for punishment, I don't know. My last commuter was a nice old lugged steel sport-touring frame from the 80s... it rode nicely, but to be honest, I didn't notice enough difference to think "wow, does steel ever rock!" I chose aluminum because my bikes get ridden in the rain and snow and salt. I am not particularly careful with my bikes, and they get scratches and dings, and I don't want to care what happens when the paint or clearcoat or both get damaged.
I find the "Steel is Real" thing a little curious. I mean, are other metals or fibres less real? What is "real", anyway? I'm thinking a little philosophy is in order. Just as people have favourite frame materials, people have favourite philosophers; I think any serious analysis of this topic demands that at least some of their voices be heard, or at least printed in a callout.
Well, the last couple of thinkers may have missed the point a little, but I think it is abundantly clear that "real" is a rather abstract concept and a poor adjective for trying to describe a bicycle frame material. People just like "real" because it rhymes.
I want to hear any and all rhyme solutions you've got for Titanium, Carbon or Aluminum! Bring 'em on, oh creative reader.
I will attempt to get the ball rolling:
Now, who's going to debate the meaning of "zoominum"? Nobody, that's who.
And what carnivore other than Venus Flytrap would have $80 for a flashlight anyway?
R A N T W I C K
