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Wednesday, December 3, 2008

My Spitting Image

I have discovered something unseemly about myself while engaging in the winter cycling I'm so fond of. I spit. Quite a lot. I'm not sure how I feel about it. It is never great to see somebody spit in public, but I must confess that I feel a certain amount of licence when exerting myself quite hard in the cold. It is definitely related to the cold; I rarely (if ever) spit in the summer while I ride. I am torn about whether I should try to stop it... my self-image is not that of a spitter.

Spitting is something that is accepted as part of many sports. I suppose I could just chalk it up to being a exercise/sport thing. The trouble is I'm not in an arena or on a ball diamond; I'm on the street, surrounded by cars and people who are not there to watch me ride my bike and spit.
So, what should I do? I could swap my Balaclava for one of these:

I'm guessing that thing would straighten me out in a hurry. The problem is that you can only buy them in quantities of 100 for almost $700. It would seem that those into controlling spit are in it for the long haul.

In the interest of compromise, I thought perhaps there was a polite way to spit. After almost 44 seconds of searching, of course I found this "eHow" article. WARNING: there is nothing polite about these instructions. I also disagree with the final instruction to "blow as hard as possible". I think that's a recipe for the sort of uncontrolled venting that would look extra rude and weird.




I could get retro and use an antique spittoon, which apparently is also an exemplary inheritance for young nieces...

Your spouse wanted to give his niece the ugly, antique spittoon. This would be called a specific devise of tangible personal property.



I am at all times an aesthete, so I would locate a bike well suited to this wonderful piece:



However, I'm no slave to form over function! I'm not some freak who cares only for how I look while I expectorate. My solutions must be effective and simple and lend themselves to efficient commuting. I do believe I have arrived at the answer.


Drool all you like, it's MINE! I'll be doing a production run of my system as soon as I find 99 more antique spittoons, and you can buy it then if you like.

1 comment:

Dogfart said...

Interesting commentary on spitting!

I think you should feel free to spit while on your manual two wheeled bird. IN fact, whould spit a motorists who yell at you and call you names. A got loogie on their windshields would make them think twice.

Ride on Josephine!

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