Friday, July 25, 2014

If Snakes Got Tattoos

I have suffered a WTF (Word To Form) Syndrome double-whammy! If you don't know what I'm talking about, click here

Anyway, long time reader of Rantwick and awesome thoughtful blogger Cafiend, aka Citizen Rider, wrote something that struck my WTF bone pretty hard. Go here for full context, but in short he has suffered some sort of bite or sting that is requiring loads of antibiotics and stuff. In reference to said bite, likely that of a spider or insect, he wrote, "This would be a lot easier to take from a nice macho rattlesnake". Of course I knew exactly how he meant it. But WTF caused me to wonder what a "macho rattlesnake" would look like. Damn.

WTF syndrome is not to be trifled with, so I got to work right away when I got home from work. So: What does a macho rattlesnake look like?

Tom Selleck's Moustache (literally), Steak House kinda guy, tattoo. Done.

When I was working on the stupidness above, I drifted into a second wave of stupid: If snakes got tattoos, what would they get? I figured a deadly human preparing to strike, y'know? So, if you're a snake, what does that look like?

Angry dude with a shovel. I was channeling a snake spirit I think. I ended up spending more time on macho snake's tattoo than macho snake himself. And so, another episode of WTF has occurred and been dealt with. I won't bother with the usual apologies and stuff; it changes nothing. Let us all just move on. 

Yer Pal,

Monday, July 21, 2014

I AM. Sorry

In 2006, there was a very popular ad campaign by Molson breweries with the tag line "I AM. CANADIAN"

As a result, the title of this post will mean a little more to Canadians than others. There's another stereotype about Canadians, the one saying that we are extremely polite, to the point of being ready to apologize at the drop of a hat. Being characterized as an extraordinarily civil and conciliatory people sits fine with me, and in this sense it would seem that I am a true Canadian:

I hope you enjoyed my video. If not, please accept my deepest apologies. I will endeavour to do better next time!

Was that too much? Sorry, eh.

Friday, July 18, 2014

2 Fender Benders

It is a testament to how little I have been on the blog that you are about to see video from last winter. Better late than never, I guess!

I have no observations to make on this. People hate reading stuff anyway, so we should be all good.

Yer Pal,

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Encounters with Rantwick, episode Twenty Three: Bugs!

In this episode, I literally encounter bugs:

What the youtubers watching that video without visiting this fine site will never know is that I have a secret. I am almost afraid to share it with you, but I am going to do so in the hope that I might reach and help others with my affliction.

I HAVE HAIRY ARMS. It's true. The thing is, hairy arms are quite good at catching small bugs. MY HAIRY ARMS CATCH SMALL BUGS. THEN I BRUSH THEM OFF.

There, I said it. Whew, I can't believe I was so stressed about it. I mean, I'm FREE now, man! No longer will I hide in the shadows concealing my bug ridden hairy arms! I will walk in the sun brushing flies out of my arm hair for all to see! Do you get it, brother? IT HAS HAPPENED and I can finally LIVE for real. For real, do you get me! BWAAAHHAHAHA! Phoosh! I feel so much better. Wow.

Yours in Freakish Catharsis,

Sunday, July 13, 2014

The Human Element

I thoroughly enjoy watching the youtube videos of other cyclists with helmet cams. Like, really enjoy it. Recently my available time to get all bikey online has dropped dramatically, but what I still find time for are those videos. Most often they come from commuting cyclists in Britain, and most are about how they've been maligned by one motorist or another. I can't get enough of that stuff!

I have a collection of idiot driver moves saved that one day I'll string together, but it would seem I'm a little lacking in the indignation department (or is it the public shaming department?) and as many of my readers know would rather publish stupid videos about animals and people and my interactions with them instead.

Some of my youtube subscribers have suggested that I post more videos just about my commute and road conditions and traffic/planning considerations and all that stuff. I do that sometimes, but in my opinion that stuff is boring as shit. Just because some people eat, breathe and sleep cycling issues doesn't mean I have to as well. I mean, c'mon, why should I add to the ever-growing mountain of that stuff when I have this:

Now that's interesting, I think. If I had been in my car, I would have locked my doors, raised my windows, and turned up the radio. Instead, I talked to that dude and got a good laugh, thanking my lucky stars I didn't get spit upon too. THAT is living! In addition, the unique opportunity provided by my bike to talk to that lady was cool. The human element is what gets me going. If I'm going to advocate for cycling, I will do so on this basis: It feels awesome, plus you get to engage with your world (like, people) instead of listening to annoying radio commercials in your car. Sweet, right? Right. If you disagree, watch it, brother, Watch It!

Yer Pal,