Well, a local cyclist has agreed to be profiled here on Rantwick, and I couldn't be more pleased. So, without further ado, let's interview Cyclist Wave Master Richard Sleegers!
RW: So, Sleegers huh? Are you related to the famous Canadian beer family? I love beer. In fact, I'm drunk right now!
RS: Yeah, I can tell. You're thinking of Sleeman's, so no, I'm not related.
RW: Woah, sorry about that. You look like a pretty regular bike commuter. Is that true?
RS: Nope. I hate riding my bike. My Lincoln Navigator was in the shop that day and my wife needed the Hummer, so I had to ride my bike like some kind of stupid loser.
RW: Wait a second. You gave me a wave. I was on a bike too, so I thought it was a gesture of transportational collegiality, if you will. Why did you wave?
RS: Well, everybody knows that cyclists are insane; I was just trying to fit in so you wouldn't, like, freak out on me or something. You said yourself you're drunk right now. Cyclists are notoriously unpredictable.
RW: You know what? That is simply not true! You've got cyclists all wrong! Now help me get into this scuba suit. I've got a bank to rob! You cool with driving?
RS: Hell yes! We can take my Navigator. Let's do this thing!
There was more to this interview/event but I have opted to omit the remainder in the interest of keeping my freedom. Needless to say, it did not go well.
-- end of fake interview --
The fake interview went so poorly that I'm looking forward to the real one quite a lot. I'm still a bit of a loner, though, so maybe email will do. I'm still percolating on that. Richard, I will be in touch with some real questions soon.
Be sure to tune in tomorrow for a video that will BLOW YOUR MIND. Here's a little teaser:
R A N T W I C K