Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Saddle Up: Pleasure and Pain at the US Patent Office

I've been browsing at the patent office again. Despite the title of this post, let's start with the pain. It would seem that some would prefer to sit while they stand!


Patent #7331595 - Auxiliary bicycle seat for stand-up uphill pedaling support

From the Abstract: An auxiliary hill climbing bicycle seat is formed from a T-shaped tubular structure attached, preferably by welding, to a bicycle cross bar. A narrow foam padding and a cover over the T-shaped pipe form a narrow auxiliary hill climbing seat positioned in front of the regular seat directly over the pedals in an elevated position higher than the regular seat.



I have just a couple of observations beyond the most obvious ones that include "oof!" and "why?" Once this thing is installed, how do you stop for a minute or get off your bike? Since it is installed preferably by welding, do you have one bike to get to the hill, and another to climb it? I have more questions, but I'm sure you do too. Let's move on to matters more pleasant.




Patent #7108667 - Bicycle saddle with vibrating massager



From the Abstract: An improved bicycle saddle having a shell which supports at least one battery operated vibrator. When the vibrator is energized, its vibration causes the shell and therefore the bicycle seat to vibrate. The vibrator has an on/off switch so that it may be turned on periodically by the rider to improve the comfort of the bicycle saddle.





I'm just gonna let you fill in the blanks here, because I can't think of much to say that wouldn't be beneath me and the lofty goals of this blog. Well, wait. Maybe I do want to say a couple of things. At least one?! How many seat-based vibrators does any one person need? Turned on periodically? I know if I decided to obtain such a magic bicycle saddle, I would have it on full blast, all the time, mm hmmm, oh baby... That is, of course, if something like this appealed to me.



Yer Pal,

R A N T W I C K

11 comments:

Keri said...

What I wanted to know: did they came up with some sort of pseudo-scientific medical/ergonomic rationale for the vibrating saddle?

I skimmed... looks like it's just for "comfort." Hmm.

cafiend said...

Someone is seriously goofing on the US Patent Office.

ChipSeal said...

My saddle has had similar vibrating feature for a long time! Only in these parts (Pun?) we call it chip-seal road treatment.

This feature can be enhanced with additional add-ons available to the interested cyclist. They include stiff frame material and high pressure tires, as I can attest to by personal experience.

These are both fine examples of solutions in search of a problem!

Speaking of searching, I am a little nonplussed that there is any rational person who spends time wandering through the patent offices. Aren't there lawyers who make their living doing that? And if lawyers do it for a living, it must be either immoral or dreadfully boring.

Perhaps a more positive spin would be that dear Rantwick will go to extraordinary lengths to produce his genius of a blog, even going where angels fear to tread!

Rantwick said...

Keri - Hmmm is the sound it makes too.

Cafiend - Goofing indeed.

ChipSeal - so do you seek out chip-seal for "comforting" on those long rides?

I confess to finding most of the patents deadly boring, but when you find something funny, it is totally worth it. Well, worth it to me, because I am a little touched in the head.

Bike Lemming said...

Wow, you remember the other sexually-deviant bike part I sent you that someone came up with right?

http://bikelemming.blogspot.com/2009/03/special-needs-bag-fixies-with-discs.html

I just don't understand the need to incorporate strange sexual fetishes in to bike rides. I mean sure, if you were a lonely cross country tourer then maybe I could let it slide, but I would guess these bike rides don't last more than 20 minutes. Then again, that might be all that's needed...

Rantwick said...

Lemming - yep, I remember all right (shudder). I don't think this inventor REALLY had a sexual purpose in mind... but you never know.

Rod said...

Do they have one that spanks?

Rantwick said...

Rod - Who? The pantent office? I sincerely hope not.

Steve A said...

This post, and its comments, are odder than most. Good thing it's not Monday. I do feel relieved that your commenters are not focusing on the first item, however.

Psyclepathic said...

Steve A, you mean the master sport spare tire support pedestal?

Steve A said...

Good recovery!

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